Deciding who your best friend is seems simple: it’s the person you hang out with all the time and talk to constantly. It’s the person who always has your back and is there for you you even when it’s inconvenient for them. It’s the person who acts like a true friend. Right?
Theoretically, yes. But, unfortunately, even best friends sometimes aren’t true friends. Just like relationships, friendships can be toxic, and it’s easy to fall under the BFF spell with someone who isn’t treating you the way a real bestie should. When you really like spending time with someone, it’s way too simple to ignore the warning signs that they aren’t always going to be there for you. You’re willing to brush it off, make excuses for them, and focus on the good instead of the bad. After all, if they seem like a good friend overall, then the little things don’t really matter, right?
Wrong. If someone is your best friend, a trusted confidante, they should literally be the best friend they can be. A recent Ask Reddit thread brought this up when talking about the small signs someone is a true friend. It’s an important reminder that the little things someone does can sometimes be the most important things. So, how do you know if your bestie is really deserving of that title? Check out these signs that your best friend is a true friend – and if she isn’t, find someone who will be.
You Don't Need An Event To Hang OutThose friends you only see at a party or if you guys want to go to a concert? Yeah, they're probably not true friends. User E404_User_Not_Found says, "Not needing a reason to hang out. You don't need a plan or an activity. Just a 'want to hang out' is good enough without any expectations from either friend." If you don't feel comfortable hanging out with them because you're both bored on a Saturday, then you're not true BFFs. Source: iStock
You Don't Get Angry About Little ThingsTrue friends don't seriously argue over little things. User saphical says, "Neither of you gives a shit how long you take to answer a text message because things like that don't matter when you're really friends." This doesn't mean a true friend never gets mad at you, it just means that they know your friendship is strong enough to handle, like, a missed text message or something. Source: iStock
They Don't Demand Too Much From YouAs you get older, friendships get a lot harder, and you can't always see each other or talk to each other as much as you'd like. A true friend understands this. User azmyth13 says, "From personal experience, they don't freak out if you don't see each other for a while. I have 'friends' who will go fucking insane and throw tantrums if I don't go out with them frequently. Hanging out is all about quality not quantity." I've lost a few friends because they can't seem to understand that they can't always be someone's number one priority. You have to make time for your friends, but you also have to have friends who understand when you can't. Source: iStock
They Don't Support Everything You DoA best friend should always be supportive, but there's a difference between a "yes man (or woman)" and a true friend. User grellsutcliff882 says, "They don't blindly support everything you do. They tell you when you might be making a mistake, or something that might come back to bite you in the ass." A "yes" friend will act like everything you're doing is right, even if they know it isn't - which ultimately could hurt you, even if that isn't their intention. A true friend has the guts to speak up if they think you're making a big mistake. And the important part? They're still there for you if you make the mistake anyway. Source: iStock
You Feel Happy After Hanging OutUser jenniferami says, "If being with the person leaves you feeling uplifted rather than drained. If being around them makes you feel comfortable rather than on edge. If the person doesn't judge you or offer unsolicited advice. If the person is not controlling or bossy." A few years ago, I was close friends with a toxic person. Every time we talked or hung out, I left feeling drained and totally annoyed. I would go home and rant to my boyfriend, my mom, anyone who would listen... and they would all ask why I was still friends with them. When I hang out with my good friends, I leave feeling so lucky to have such great friends. That feeling is so important. Source: iStock
They Can Tell When You're Hurt And Adjust Their BehaviorGood friends will typically get into a routine of making fun of each other and joking around - and while it's usually all in good fun, sometimes someone can be in a mood or someone can go too far, and a friend can end up getting hurt. A good friend will see this. User AntiSalty says, "They stop insulting you when the see you are getting sad or hurt." My friends and I are always teasing each other, but when we notice one of us is getting genuinely hurt, we stop what we're saying. Source: iStock
They Reach Out On Your BirthdayIf your friend can't text you to say happy birthday, then they aren't a true friend. User katherkelly says, "Messaging you directly to say happy birthday rather than posting on your facebook wall (it's my birthday today and while I appreciate the sentiments of the people posting, all my actual friends have been messaging or texting me today)" Another important thing to keep in mind? A true friend will go out of their way to make time to celebrate your birthday - even if they're busy. Source: iStock
They're Happy For You Even When It's Hard For ThemOne of the biggest signs of a true friend is when they are happy for you, even if it's hard for them to feel that way. User notyouravgjane says, "They are genuinely happy when I take small steps towards success no matter what stage of life they are in." Sometimes it's hard to be happy for your friend if she starts dating the perfect guy and you're perpetually single, or she gets into a stellar college and you didn't get into your school of choice. A few years ago, I had a friend who wasn't happy for me unless something good was also happening to her. She couldn't even say congratulations to me - instead she ignored what I was excited about. That's not a friend! A friend will be happy for you, even if they're just pretending to mask their jealousy. Source: iStock
You Don't Need To See Each Other Every Day To Stay CloseOne of the most important parts of a genuinely great friendship is being able to pick up where you left off. User Robert_Skull says, "If you haven't seen each other for an extended period, and when you meet up you take off right from where you left off, as if you just saw them yesterday." My best friends and I could go months without seeing each other, and when we do, it's like time didn't even pass. That is so important! If things feel awkward or uncomfortable with a friend, it might be a sign that they're not as great of a friend as you thought. Source: iStock
They Remember The Things You Tell ThemDoes your BFF forget everything you tell her? If so, that's not cool. User PM_ME_IF_UR_NOT_OK says, "For me, it's when they bring up something you said that had no bearing on them. Example: 'Hey, I remember you telling me a few weeks back you were struggling in archery with pulling an 80lb bow. Have you improved?' It just shows they were actually paying attention to the things I said. Makes me smile. :)" A real friend pays attention to what you say and they care about your life, even the small stuff. So if your BFF never follows up on anything you talk about, that could mean they just don't really care enough. Source: iStock
They Ask About Your Bad MoodsUser asjaewalker says, "I once mentioned that I had a bad day to a friend. The next day I got a text from them asking if I was doing better that day. I now make sure to do this for my close friends as it can be really uplifting." One of the ways I differentiate between friends and really good friends is how they act when they know something crappy happened to me, or when they know I'm really upset. My really good friends will follow up to ask how I am. My other friends won't put much thought into it. Source: iStock
They Don't Hold Your Words Against YouObviously, you have to be able to trust your best friend enough to talk to them about your feelings. You also have to trust that they won't end up using your words against you. User Misprints says, "When you tell them something in confidence and they don't use it against you or it never comes back around to you either." A true friend won't make you regret telling them a secret. A bad friend will. Source: iStock
Do you think you have true friends? What signs did we forget to add? Share in the comments.