My boyfriend mentions the ‘hotness’ of other celebrities/ Instagram models frequently. I know it’s not like he can ditch me for them as they’re well over 20 and we’re both 16, but it still plays on my mind.
I mentioned it to him once and he simply replied with something along the lines of beautiful women should be appreciated. He did add the words “much like yourself” at the end, though why does he need to express his attraction to other females in front of me?
I know teenage boys are like constantly horny but it bugs me thinking that he can be easily distracted from me by another’s beauty. I know they’re celebrities and the chances of him getting to meet them are very slim, but knowing he can be attracted to other women and state that he would have sex with them if the chance came is very unsettling. He tried using one of my favorite band’s against me by asking if I’d have sex with my favorite member–which, no, I wouldn’t if I was going out with my boyfriend.
I don’t know what to do or what to think. Please help!
While it may be true that he won’t go running off with any of these celebrities or online models, it doesn’t mean it’s any sort of “free pass” or that you can’t be bothered by his actions. If what he’s doing makes you feel uncomfortable or less of an amazing person, that’s all that should matter in a relationship.
One of the biggest problems you’re facing here is the fact that he’s so young. He is probably being completely honest when he says he sees nothing wrong with it, and his little “much like yourself” line is an attempt at being suave. The fact that you’ve told him it makes you uncomfortable and yet he persists is a bad sign, as his actions are completely unnecessary for your relationship. If he wants to ogle these photos in his own time, that’s a different story. It sounds like he lacks respect for your feelings.
Also, when he tries to turn things around on you, that sort of proves he knows what he’s doing isn’t 100% OK. It’s not a matter of him trying to say you’d do the same thing, or whether or not he would actually run off with one of these women – it’s completely about how it makes you feel. If he can’t come to terms with that and change his actions, you may need to move on.
Having been one once myself, I can tell you firsthand that teenage guys sort of suck. They’re trying to figure out how to transition from boys into young men, and almost all the time, that halfway point is filled with bad decisions and awkwardness.
While this may seem like a very complicated situation, it comes down to one simple idea: either he cares about your feelings or he doesn’t. Regardless of how he tries to paint things or push guilt on you, his actions bother you and make you feel bad. If that isn’t enough to make him stop, kick him to the curb and find a more mature guy.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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