Have you ever witnessed a couple who had zero chemistry? They might seem great together, in theory: they have similar interests, they’re both really cool people who seem like they would make a great pair, or they look good together. Sometimes they’ve been together for so long that you get so used to seeing them together that you can’t imagine them not being together, even if they never do romantic things or, uh, seem like they like each other. It doesn’t matter how perfect they seem on paper or how cute they look in photos – if they don’t seem like they connect, their bond will never be very strong. Chemistry is incredibly important in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean every couple has it.
If you and your partner don’t have chemistry, chances are good that you’ve been experiencing a niggling feeling in the back of your mind for a while. That feeling might say things like, “are you sure you’re happy?” whenever you’re having a perfectly normal time with your S.O. Maybe it whispers, “Imagine what it would be like if you didn’t have to deal with this?” whenever you two fight. Or maybe it pokes you in the brain right before bed, saying things like, “Is he/she really the one for you?” Sometimes it can take a while to realize the chemistry isn’t there, and it will never be there. If there isn’t any chemistry, it’s not something that can be forced, and it probably means you two are better off as friends. But how do you know if it’s there or if it’s missing? Here are a few signs you and your partner don’t have any chemistry:
Hooking Up Always Feels WeirdGetting intimate with a new partner, whether you're making out, getting naked, or having sex, can be nerve-wracking and a little awkward as you both get used to each other. But if there's chemistry there, things will fall into place, even if it's a bumpy road. Like, maybe you guys miss each other's mouths when you go to kiss, but you giggle, try again, and the kiss is awesome. Or maybe having sex at the first time feels uncomfortable, but once you get into it, things get better. If there is no chemistry, hooking up will feel pretty awkward most of the time. Making mistakes won't feel like something you can giggle about and ignore - you'll feel genuinely embarrassed. Things won't fall into place, and the whole situation will feel sort of uncomfortable, leaving you feeling like you wish you had a do-over. If this keeps happening, or if hooking up just always seems to lack a certain passion, that could definitely mean you guys don't have any chemistry. Source: iStock
It's Hard To Keep A Conversation GoingI was once hanging out with this guy I thought was cool. We went on a few dates, and I really wanted to like him, but nothing ever felt... right. Our conversations were weird and never flowed right. We would talk about mundane things, like the weather or school or something boring. The conversation just never clicked and it was hard to keep finding things to talk about. That was how I knew we had no chemistry. Being able to communicate with a partner is so important. In a relationship that has chemistry, conversation will come naturally, and you'll probably find that you can talk about pretty much anything together. If you guys spend a lot of time racking your brains for something else to discuss, that's not a great sign. Source: iStock
When Out With Friends You Do Your Own Separate ThingWhat is it like if you two go out with a group or hang out at a party? If you have zero chemistry, it might go something like this: you go out with a group, and almost immediately leave each other's side and just do your own thing. If a couple has chemistry, they'll do their own thing while also checking in with their partner, or they'll connect with their partner once in a while throughout the day or night. If you guys go to a party and immediately split up and then barely talk the whole time, well... that's not great. Source: iStock
You Never Know What To Do When Hanging OutThink about what goes on when you guys hang out. For a couple with chemistry, hanging out will be pretty easy, because you'll find fun no matter what you're doing. You'll have fun even if the dinner food sucks or the movie is boring, because you'll be with each other, and all you really need is each other's company. But if you're with someone you don't have chemistry with, hanging out will almost feel like a struggle. You'll never know what to do, you'll never agree on anything, you'll spend a lot of the time having awkward conversation... stuff like that. Source: iStock
Silences Are Awkward and UncomfortableHere's a really big tell when it comes to chemistry: if you and your boo can sit comfortably in silence, not feeling weird or like you have to say something, you probably have good chemistry. If you feel incredibly uncomfortable during any kind of silence, you probably do not have chemistry. Think about it: does a quiet car ride feel like torture? That's a sign of no chemistry. If you're just cuddling without talking, do you feel the need to say something to make things feel less weird? That's another sign of zero chemistry. Source: iStock
You Feel Like You Can't Do Anything RightOne big sign that things aren't as great as they could be is that you spend a lot of time wondering why you can't get anything right. Maybe you guys aren't communicating well, maybe you each keep doing things that gets on the other's nerves, maybe you argue a lot, or maybe you both just spend a long time feeling bored. If there's no chemistry, you're not going to feel super successful in your relationship. Source: iStock
Your Texts Are Boring AFRead through your last few texts with your boo - are they incredibly boring and full of mundane comments? If they don't show off any personality or spirit of fun, that's not a great sign. Even couples who have been together forever and rarely text won't have the most boring texts in the world if they have chemistry. When I was in college, I was hanging out with a guy I liked a lot. He would text me every day, and after a while, I started to kind of dread it. Why? We had nothing to talk about, ever. Our convos included a lot of, "What are you doing?" and "cool lol" and "fun lol" and "nice" texts. They weren't interesting or intriguing. They were just... polite. It was a big sign that we didn't have romantic chemistry. Source: iStock
You Kind Of Have To Force Things To HappenDo you feel like you always have to push for things to happen between you? Like making plans is kind of a struggle and hooking up never feels totally right? If so, it might be because of a lack of chemistry. When I was dating that college dude, I felt like things just never went smoothly and everything was so much work. It never felt like anything that happened was supposed to happen, if that made sense. Flash forward a few years, when I met my current fiance. Everything seemed to fall in place all the time, and nothing felt forced. It was easy. And honestly? That's how it should be. Source: iStock
You Know They're Attractive, You're Just Not Attracted To ThemA few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who is in a long-term relationship with someone who seems perfect for her. I asked how they were doing, and she shrugged and said, "Fine." I could tell things weren't fine, so I asked what was up. She said that sometimes she felt like they weren't even a couple, just best friends, adding, "I know he's an attractive person, I can see that - it's just that I'm not really always sexually attracted to him." Sexual attraction is a big part of romantic chemistry, and if you feel like it's not there, or if you just don't find your partner exciting in a sexual way, that could be because there's no chemistry between you guys. Source: iStock
Have you ever dated someone you didn’t have chemistry with? How did you realize that? Tell me in the comments.