7 Tips On Being Sexual Without Feeling Guilty

A friend of mine is just starting to hook up with guys for the first time, and she’s buggin’. No, not just because her first few times having sex can be awkward, painful, and emotionally exhausting–which is the case for many people just starting to have sex–but because she feels loads of guilt about having sex in the first place. She grew up Catholic, which can explain why she feels strange about having sex outside of marriage, since that’s heavily discouraged against from as early as she could remember. But let’s be clear: This isn’t just a religious thing, it’s also something that’s incredibly gendered too. That’s not to say that guys don’t feel guilty about having casual sex, having sex before marriage, or masturbating; but studies have shown that women feel particularly sad or guilty after engaging in sexual activity than men. Probably because there’s a lot more weight onto the innocence (or lack thereof) and therefor the worth of women regarding sex than men.

But is there a way to not feel so guilty after doing sexy stuff? There’s no cure all, but the following tips might be of some use to you if this conundrum feels familiar. Check out these seven tips on being sexual without feeling guilty; see if your approach to sex, masturbation, and all that good stuff decreases over time!


Remember That Masturbation Is Totally Normal, Even If Your Friends Don't Talk About It

It's really common for young women to feel really weird and uncomfortable about masturbation, but if it makes you feel any better: You're not alone. Sure, people still see masturbation as more of a guy thing than a girl thing, but I assure you that most of the girls in your friend group are also masturbating. Often. Regularly. They just aren't talking about it...like you're not talking about it. It's natural, guys, no matter how weird you feel about it.

Some Girls

Understand That Your Parents Probably Did It Before Marriage Too

Um, look: Chances are, your parents didn't have sex for the first time with each other. They probably slept around as well, had a few different relationships and sexy encounters with others before meeting each other and, er, waiting for you to come along. Do you think your parents are bad people for daring to have sex before they met each other? Probably not.

That '70s Show

Realize That You Deserve To Feel Good

We live in a society that really loves to demonize women's pleasure. Seriously, no matter whether it's something feminine like makeup or a melodramatic romcom, or straight up sexual pleasure, people love to give women a hard time for daring to have fun. Um, tell society--and anyone who follows that nonsense, consciously or otherwise--to shove it. Have a damn orgasm, hook up with someone (safely), and enjoy the pleasures that life has to offer!

American Pie

Remember That A LOT Of Women Watch Porn

You aren't some sort of weirdo just because you browse porn on the internet every now and then. Nearly half of the people who watch porn on the regular are--yes, you guessed it--women. I know that saying "you're not special" can have a harsh, mean tone...but in this case, use it to feel like less of a freak.

Jawbreaker

Stop Thinking That Your Worth Is Determined Between Your Thighs

The state of your vagina doesn't determine how smart you are, how good your jugement is, how nice you are, how good of a daughter you are, how religious you are, how thoughtful you are, etc. It's just your privates, and your privates have nothing to do with what kind of person you are. Your worth is largely determined by how you treat others, not on whether or not your dared to touch your clitoris last night or if someone's penis has been inside of your vagina.

Like Crazy

See The Beauty In Your Sexuality

Sex isn't always some beautiful, loving, amazing experience, but it help to remember that there can be a beauty in sex and sexuality. There can be something spiritual in getting intimate with another human being, there can be something powerful and freeing about giving yourself pleasure on your own schedule, and there can be something glamorous and fun about admiring your body in the mirror or feeling pretty in a new pair of undies. Like, these little things aren't bad: They're largely harmless and enjoyable. Why deny yourself those things?

Skins

Think About It: Would You Shame Your Friends?

So, a bunch of your friends are probably having sex--casually or otherwise--before marriage, right? Would you actively shame them? Would you judge them and think they're a bad, immoral person just because they're doing it? Probably not, right? Then why would you approach your own damn self that way?

Submarine

What other ways can help reduce guilt about sex? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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