7 Do’s And Don’ts On What To Do When You And Your BFF Have The Same Crush

We’ve all been there – there’s a Cute New Boy™ who recently moved into town and he just happens to be in the same math class as you and your BFF. Some girls are staring at him slack-jawed and hoping to get paired with him as a homework buddy, others are whispering back and forth about how cute his blue eyes are… but you and your bestie? Nah. You two are too cool to get all wrapped up in some new kid who looks like a cheap Chord Overstreet impersonato-

“He is SO cute,” your bestie cuts you off and says. “Let’s sit with him at lunch!”

And so begins the familiar story: you get to know him a little bit and find out you both have a secret obsession over 90’s boy bands, the two of you agree that Abercrombie & Fitch is overpriced junk, and that corgis are the best breed of dog hands-down.


Looks like you’ve got a crush, but the problem is that so does your best friend – in fact, she’s asked you for advice on how to get close with him. Now you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place: go for him yourself and ruin your friendship, or help your friend and ruin any chances with him. So, what do you do when you and your best friend have the same crush? To start, read this list of what do’s and don’ts. Good luck out there!

DON'T Freak Out

Before you get all panicked over what could happen, take a look at what is happening - has Carl the Cute New Boy™ shown any romantic interest in either you or your bestie? Because the two of you can crush on him all you want, but if he’s got a thing for Sharon The Popular Girl (don’t worry, science says the popular kids become losers and the losers become popular later in life) then what does it matter? In order for this to be an issue he has to like one of you over the other -- don’t explode a non-problem into a problem.

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DO Give It Some Time

I can remember having a new crush on a new guy every other week back in high school. Back then I was still an awkward and gawky teen, so I hadn’t quite pinpointed my tastes yet – one day I thought the dorky quiet kid who sat in the back of class reading Shakespeare was just soooo adorably brooding, whereas the next day I wanted the stereotypical football jock to come sweep me off my feet (neither happened, for the record.) With that in mind, give it some time. Your friend may find she thinks the Newest New Kid is even cuter and decide to go exert some effort on him, or you might spot Carl picking a fat booger his nose from across the lunch room one day and lose any and all attraction you had to him. Give it at least two weeks before you determine whether this kid is just a passing fad or unrequited love.

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DON'T Choose The Guy Over Your Friend

Have high school sweethearts gotten married? Yes. But only 2% of marriages are between high school sweethearts, and 54% of them get divorced within the first 10 years. In other words, the chances that this guy is “The One” are less likely than the chances that he’s “One of Many.” You know that saying “chicks before dicks”? It’s true. You’re more likely to hold onto your high school friendships than you are your high school boyfriend, so why throw years of being best buds away just for a better-than-likely chance at heartbreak? The answer: Don’t.

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DO Try To Be The Mature One If Your Friend Is Being Immature

You know how I told you not to choose the guy over your friend? What happens if your friend chooses the guy over you? First of all, that is a bad friend. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you don’t need backstabbing people like that in your life. You are better than that, you deserve better than that, and if the previous two statements didn’t cheer you up then sit back with a giant tub of popcorn in your lap and wait for their relationship to blow up. And trust me…it will. It’s high school. I once got into a fight with my then-boyfriend about whether Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492 or 1982, and we wound up breaking up when I shoved a history book in his face and said “SEE HOW STUPID YOU ARE?!!” Was that immature and childish? Yes – but that’s my point exactly. Trust me…chances are this won’t last.

Source: iStock

DON'T Lie To Your Friend If Things Start Escalating

In the event that this guy happens to like you back, congrats! Your immediate reaction is probably to try and keep it a secret from your friend, but trust me when I say that nothing ever actually stays a secret in high school. Eventually she will find out, and when that happens she is going to be PISSED. If you think that down the road you’re going to wind up marrying this guy (and again, we’ve all thought that at one point in our teenage years but it only happens 2 percent of the time) and that you can’t bear living without him, don’t insult your BFF’s intelligence by lying to her face. Be upfront. Tell her what’s happening, that you didn’t intend for it to happen and that you can’t help the way you feel. Emphasize how you didn’t chase after him and how you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. Say you still want to be friends if she’ll have you. You don’t need to grovel, mind you; just make sure you’re being sympathetic to how she feels right now, which is presumably garbage.

As long as you take the mature route here (i.e. not hiding it, not lying about it and being the person who breaks the news to her face-to-face and NOT via text message), hopefully any damage between you and your bestie will be minimal. But like I said – 2 percent.

Source: iStock

DO Take It As A Learning Experience

No matter what goes down, take the experience and learn from it. If your friend screws you over and goes behind your back with the guy, learn that not all friends are good friends and that it’s okay to get rid of toxic people from your life. If the guy tries to pit you and your friend against each other to see which one of you is more willing to shower him with lavish gifts (read: fast-casual dinners and maybe a t-shirt here and there), learn that people can be shallow monsters and that just because someone seems nice at first, doesn’t mean they are. When something happens, be it good, bad or in the middle, it’s always good to reflect back and learn from it -- history is doomed to repeat itself unless we learn from it.

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And If Things Aren’t Going Your Way, DON’T Think There’s Something Wrong With You

Not all guys are going to be into you, just like how you’re not going to be into all guys. Just because this one dude chose your friend over you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you – it just means his tastes are different. Maybe you like horseback riding, reality television and handing out sarcasm like popcorn chicken at a buffet, whereas your BFF likes riding dirt bikes and giving compliments. One is not any better than the other, they’re just different; different interests and personalities attract different guys. Just because he didn’t fall for who you are this time, doesn’t mean someone else won’t later – it just takes time and patience to find the right person to be the center piece of that puzzle you’re trying to complete. Don’t worry…it’ll happen.

Source: iStock

Have you ever had a crush on the same person as your friend? What happened? 


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