7 Ways To Ask A Guy To Go Down On You

In this day and age, in the year of our lord 2017, it is crazy to think that there are some men out there who refuse to go down on girls. But, unfortunately, this is true.  Recently, while browsing the “sex” subreddit on, um, Reddit (as I am often wont to do), I found this question:

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months and we are very sexual [sic] active, it’s amazing, we have the best sex together. The point is I’d like to have foreplay in the mix too, I give him blow jobs daily and he seems to love it, but he never reciprocates, no fingers or mouth, nothing, if suggested it a few times and he agrees but it never happens. How do I subtly get him into this? It’s started to make me think maybe there is something wrong with me that he doesn’t want to go down there.

To be clear, no one is obligated to do any sexual act with you that they don’t feel comfortable doing, even if it’s something that you’re into. If your guy just doesn’t like oral, you can’t force him to do it. (I would find it concerning, for example, if a men’s site put out a post entitled “How To Get Your Girlfriend To Go Down On You Even If She Doesn’t Want To,” though I am sure such an article exists somewhere!) Still, something tells me that this–regularly giving oral, getting nothing in return, and not really being sure about how to approach it–is pretty common. And, for the record, there’s nothing wrong with asking your boyfriend or hookup to reciprocate. After all, if you don’t tell them what you want, they’ll probably never know. So, check out these ways to ask a guy to go down on you:


Literally Just Tell Him What You Want

Often, the simplest solution is also the right one. This is also the case here! Basically, you just need to tell your partner what you want. Sethicles2 said, "Why do you have to be subtle? Why do you have to dance around his desires? Are you an equal in the relationship? Just tell him what you want."

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Know That It Can Be A Turn-On

If you're concerned about seeming a little too forward or brash, or, for whatever reason, disgusting your partner with your (natural) desires, don't be. In fact, a lot of guys will be into it. ReadySteadyGO said,  "Just tell us what you want, and honestly it's a turn on for me when women are vocal about how to please them. Makes my job much easier." Of course, you shouldn't tell guys what you want in bed just because you think it's a turn-on for them, but you shouldn't be afraid of freaking them out about it, either.

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Make It Sexy For Both Of You

Need a way to, ahem, warm them up to the idea? Try getting oral in a position that benefits both of you. Sknabcv2 said, "Suggest a 69 position. That way he is still getting his dick sucked. Also (please don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure you practice good hygiene) try to let him see you take a shower or something beforehand, that way there is no doubt that everything is clean down there." It might also be a good idea to shower with your boyfriend beforehand, too--this way, you know you're both fresh and ready to go.

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Understand That They Could Be Nervous

It's totally possible that your partner isn't super sexually experienced, so they're just nervous about going down on someone. Bluntsmoken said, "My ex and I were the same way. She finally asked me what was wrong with her that I didn't want to go down on her. Truth was I wanted to but had never done it before and didn't know how and I was totally freaked out and scared to try. She giggled, grabbed my hair and shoved my head below deck. It took about a week but I could get her to finish with just my fingers and tongue. Ask him if he's ever done it and if not show him the way." Personally, I wouldn't do the whole "grab them by the head and shove them down" thing (how would you feel if someone did that to you?) but if you know that they haven't gone down on anyone before, let them know that you'll guide them through it.

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Know That This Could Be A Red Flag

Does your boyfriend expect a lot out of you, like, in general, without giving anything in return? Inside and outside of the bedroom?  Aspenfire said, "One of my ex's [sic] and I had a conversation about this (we never had sex) he literally wanted me to suck his dick, f**k him without condoms, and he expected me to go on BC and he never wanted to eat me out. F**k him lol. Have a conversation about it and see where it goes. Some guys don't like giving head, but he really shouldn't expect you to. Sex is about mutual pleasure." So, pay attention to your boyfriend's behavior and see how he reacts when you mention you'd like to get some oral, too. In most cases, your boyfriend will be happy to reciprocate (chances are good that he hadn't even thought of it, tbh), or at least find a way to compromise. But if he reacts in an angry way or makes you feel insecure about your body, that's a big-ass red flag.

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Stop Doing Things You Don't Want To Do

Your partner doesn't have to go down on you, but you don't have to go down on them, either. wth_tifu said, "Tell him what you expect. I had a new gf and I gave her oral 3 times, nothing in return even when I asked. So I told her that this was a equal relationship and if she wanted me to lick her fun parts she was going to have to lick mine. I was not rude, not demanding but made it clear. Next time I got my fun parts licked. Simple." The key here is to have a conversation about it. If you suddenly change your behavior without discussing it, your partner probably won't pick up on why you changed your behavior, which isn't very productive.

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Keep In Mind That There Could Be Another Reason Why They're Not Into It

It's possible that your partner has experienced some form of sexual assault that has made them sensitive to certain sex acts.  Alacritous said, "Why does everyone assume he's being a selfish a**hole? I don't do it. I don't do it because when I was 6, a babysitter tried to force me to do it to her. It's just something I don't do." Obviously, don't just assume that, if someone doesn't go down on you, they've automatically experienced grave sexual trauma in the past. But it's totally possible that they've been through something that makes this harder for them than it should be. Basically, talk to them about it without attacking them--whatever the case is, the conversation will be a lot more productive this way.

Image source: Getty

What do you think of this advice? Do you have any other tips? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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