If you’ve spent any time online over the last few years, you’re probably somewhat familiar with the concept of sex positivity. If you’re not, here’s a refresher: It’s a movement which encourages women to feel less shame surrounding their sex lives, sexuality, and overall sexual expression. It can be really freeing when you’re living in a society that sees nothing wrong with men having casual sex, but deems women who do the same as sluts or hoes. It’s also freeing in a society in which views about sex are ridiculously hypocritical: Sex sells–we’ll accept a woman in a bikini selling a fast food burger on a commercial as long as it’s for profit–but an everyday woman posting a cleavage friendly selfie is attention seeking and trashy; suddenly we’re super puritanical. There are fair critiques of sex-positivity, but I hope we can all agree on this: There’s nothing wrong with women having sex, and we need to stop being such prudes about that.
However, it’s possible to have a sex life that lives by those progressive principles, but is still really effed up. You can have the most sex-positive lifestyle, one that is free of shame and all that other sexist BS, and manage to still have an approach to sex that’s absolutely toxic. Whether you hook up with people on the regular or are in a committed relationship, this might just describe you. If you’re curious (or in denial), check out these eight signs that you have an unhealthy relationship with sex. Acknowledging any and all problems is the first step to sorting ’em out. Good luck!
You Have A Lot Of Sex, But You've Never Had An OrgasmA woman I know hooks up with guys all the time. Like, all the time. Honestly, more power to her. But here's what I find pretty alarming: She's never had an orgasm. Not once in her entire life, in all her years on this earth, in all those countless hookups with total hotties. Not once has she had an orgasm. Your relationship with sex is definitely unhealthy if you spend more time trying to bring pleasure to others and neglect to bring pleasure to yourself. Sex isn't just a one way street, okay? You deserve to have a damn orgasm when you have sex, period. Fresh Meat
You Believe That Sex Is The Primary Factor You Bring To Your RelationshipsRelationships are about more than sex, even really good sex. Sure, it can be a really important element to the health of your relationship, but the primary one? Naw. That's not how a relationship remains stable. Relationships are built on more than going at it; they're built on trust, mutual interests and values, sharing goals, fighting over what to watch next on Netflix. You should know that you can bring more to a relationship than sex appeal. Jawbreaker
You Regularly Have Sex With People For Ridiculous, Brainless ReasonsLook, we're not here to tell you that you should only have sex with people you're in a committed relationship with, or that you should only have sex with people you love. Folks have sex with people they just met mere hours ago all the time, and there's nothing wrong with that! But we'd also suggest that you don't just have sex with people for ridiculous reasons. Don't have sex with someone just because you want them to think you're cool. Don't give some guy a blow job just because you're sick of being seen as the prude in your group of friends. Don't have sex with that dude who doesn't want to wear a condom, just because you really want some. Be smart about who you have sex with and the reasons why you're having sex with them! My Mad Fat Diary
You Use Sex As An Emotional CrutchInstead of confronting why you feel sad, you have sex. Instead of dealing with an important, stressful assignment that you keep putting off, you have sex. Instead of solving that fight you had with bae...you have sex. Sex as an emotional crutch becomes just another way to avoid confronting your problems. People use drugs and alcohol the same way, and while it's safe to say that the aforementioned have a much more negative bodily effect, it's important to realize that it's still emotionally unhealthy to use sex as a convenient distraction to problems in your life. Blue Is The Warmest Color
You Have Sex Even When You Don't Want ToListen, sex should be something that you actually want to do...because sex is supposed to be fun. When sex becomes a chore, something you feel obligated to do without question, then you should probably start assessing why. Is your partner someone who is really demanding in bed? Do you have sex as an escape from other problems in your life? Think about it. Freaks and Geeks
You Consider Your Sexual Prowess To Be Your Most Valuable TraitIt's fine to be confident about your sexuality, but it's not everything. Seriously, there are more important personality traits that will serve you well i this life than being able to perform oral sex. Are you kind? Are you selfless? Are you the funniest person in your friend group? Are you charitable? Are you the one your friends turn to when they need help? These are all more valuable personality traits than being sexy. That '70s Show
You're, Admittedly, Pretty Risky When It Comes To Safe SexIf your need for sex overwrites your interest in having safe sex, then that's a big problem. It's fine to like sex. It's fine to like having sex with multiple partners. It's not fine to be unsafe, reckless, and stupid about sex. Please, protect yourself, sis. Empire Records
You Feel Addicted To SexDon't scoff: Sex addition is real. If your daily life is interrupted due to a lack of sex, masturbation, access to pornography, etc, then you might have an actual sex addiction. Don't be embarrassed: You're not a lone, and it's not just a thing that dudes have either. You should talk to a therapist though ASAP. But I'm A Cheerleader
Did you ever have an unhealthy relationship with sex? What other signs should be included in this list? Tell us in the comments!