8 Perfectly Good Reasons You Haven’t Had Sex Yet

I lost my v-card nearly two years ago, as a 20-something-year-old who had subzero romantic or sexual experiences until college. That scenario–someone who didn’t have sex in high school or college? OMG!–might sound like a rarity, but it’s a lot more common than you’d think. I’ve written about my late bloomer in the romance department countless times, and I’m always amazed by how many responses I get–from teenagers girls still in high school to grown women–that can be summed up as the following: “Wow, I thought I was alone.”

Newsflash: There are a lot of people who don’t have sex when they’re teenagers. These people aren’t socially inept weirdos, and they’re not necessarily bible thumpers who don’t believe in sex before marriage either. At the end of the day, all this virginity nonsense is no big deal. But if you’re feeling some kind of way about it, please, don’t stress and remind yourself of these eight perfectly good reasons you haven’t had sex yet. Hey, sometimes we need a little reminder that we’re totally normal.

You Just Haven't Met Anyone You Like Enough To Initiate A Relationship, Let Alone Have Sex With

Call it picky if you want, but there are plenty of virgins who just haven't met someone they actually want to get intimate with. It's not about finding their one true love, it's just about finding someone you're compatible enough with to want to also get naked and do sexy stuff with too. Once you find that someone, you'll know it, however. You're not broken or weird if you haven't found 'em yet. It can take time!


You're Under the LGBTQ Umbrella And It's Hard To Find A Partner

Sexual debuts aren't just for straight, cis-gender people, guys. Maybe the pickings are super slim at your school or in your town. Or maybe you're not out yet for safety reasons and attempting to start a sexual relationship at the moment just isn't realistic. Whatever the reason, it can be hard to have fulfilling sexual experiences when you're LGBTQ, especially if you're a teen who lives at home. Totally understandable if you end up being a bit of a late bloomer in the sex department.

But I'm A Cheerleader

You Haven't Pursued Anyone, And You're Not Pressed About It

This seems to boggle people's minds but, uh, there are people who just aren't interested in having sex, either at all or just not yet. And guess what? They're not losing sleep over it. Does this sound like you? Whether this is associated with an overall disinterest in sex or you're just not really too interested in having a sexual relationship, the reaction to your v-card status can be summed up as such: *Shrug.*

Some Girls

Sex Scares You

Um, I can relate to this hardcore. Frankly, sex--especially penetration--just intimidated the hell out of me...and considering how painful p in v sex can be the first time, that's pretty damn understandable. But while it's natural to be wary of sex, that anxiety can have a negative impact on your relationship if you're not open and honest about your fears with your partner. Tell them what's up so you can get through it together.


You're Insecure

Okay, this might not be a "good" reason that should be lauded, but it's understandable. It's not uncommon for people who are insecure about their bodies--regardless of size or shape--to be hesitant to have sex. You're literally so exposed that that's enough to make anyone with an unhealthy body image or self-perception to balk at the idea of doing it. But if this describes you, I urge you to get help, either from a trusting partner or friend or even a professional therapist. Sex with the right person is fun and totally healthy, and the last thing that someone who really cares about you is thinking as y'all are doing it is what your love handles look like, trust me.

My Mad Fat Diary

The People At Your School Are So Not Your Type

This...is a lot more fair than people think. Look, you spend most of your waking hours at school, right? Chances are most of your relationships--sexual or otherwise--will be formed at school, right? Well, if the people at your school suck, how should anyone expect you to bump uglies with them? Maybe the guys at your school are a bunch of immature slobs. Maybe you just don't fit in with many people at your school. Whatever the reason, it sounds pretty damn legit.

The Inbetweeners

You're Waiting For Love

Listen, there's nothing wrong with being a true romantic. There are a lot of people having casual hookups with people they don't really have strong feelings for, and hey, they can do that. But that's not exactly your speed, and you're willing to wait to have an intimate sexual experience with someone you actually want to see every day, with someone you're head over heels over, with someone who makes your heart throb, not just your vag. People might think you're a chump, but don't alter your wishes to please people who have different values about sex. You do you.

Boy Meets World

You're Very Religious

While it's annoying when people assume that the only reason someone is still a virgin is because they're super religious, hey, there are folks out there who follow religions with specific rules about virginity that they want to conform to. We can debate how fair--and how disproportionately gendered--these rules are all day, but following certain religious practices are very important to some people! Hey, it's not hurting anyone and it's a person decision, so it should be respected as such. If this describes you, please, don't let anyone make you feel like an outdated weirdo just because you want to wait until marriage before having sex; it's nobody's business but your own.

Freaks And Geeks

Are you in this boat? What’s your reason for having your V-card? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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