It might not seem like it when you watch movies or TV shows, or when you talk to your friends, but there’s a learning curve when it comes to sex. It’s not easy for everyone, and even for those who don’t run into the awkward physical discomfort of penetration, there are plenty of flubs and misconceptions to learn from on their sex journey. You’re figuring out where to place your legs, what positions feel good and which ones make you want to die, the right moment to throw a condom into the mix…there’s a lot of unglamorous moments in this whole sex thing that really make themselves known when you first start having sex.
Luckily, everything usually gets a little less amateur hour down the line. Sure, you’ll have moments with partners–old and new–that will be a little awkward, but overall you’ll be able to handle yourself better and make smarter decisions than when you first started out. But if you’re just starting to have sex or you figure you will be soon, you might want to try to avoid making these seven sex mistakes the first few times you have sex.
You Don't Make Your Orgasm A PriorityA friend of mine is just starting to have sex, and she says she has never had an orgasm with her partner. She's convinced it just won't happen, and she's more concerned about making him get off than getting off herself. Listen, it's understandable to want to make sure your partner has an orgasm, but that doesn't mean you should sacrifice your own. Y'all know you can both have an orgasm in the same sex session, right? Don't put off your pleasure for someone else. This is a bad habit to get into when you start having sex, so learn to prioritize your pleasure sooner rather than later. American Pie
You Assume Your Partner Knows What They're DoingEven if your partner claims to be more experienced than you, that doesn't mean that they're sex gods and you're just some chump. There are loads of people who have had sex a few times who are still not that great about it; they don't know how to use lube, they don't know how to stimulate the clitoris, they last for a couple of minutes tops, etc. So don't assume that just because you're new to this, that you can't be skeptical about your partner's way around the bedroom. They might be pretty damn clueless too. Some Girls
You Aren't Vocal When Something Feels UncomfortablePlease, speak up. Whether it's penetration that is incredibly painful, or your leg is cramping, or something just isn't doing it for you, don't be afraid to let your partner know. Your comfort matters, and trust me: Your partner wants you to be comfortable too (assuming they're not a total jerk). Sex isn't a race; if something feels off, cool down for a second. Maybe consider brainstorming on a way to make yourself more comfortable. But no matter what, don't suffer in silence. Skins
You Believe Penetration Won't Hurt The Second (Or Third) TimeThere's this prevailing idea that penetrative sex hurts the first time, but afterwards? Smooth sailing! Yeah, not the case...at all. It could take several times before penetrative sex stops feeling like you're being ripped in half. Don't feel like a failure if it continues to hurt after a few times. Make sure you have lubrication, stay relaxed, and give it another go. Eventually, it won't be so bad. But you have to be patient. The To-Do List
You Take Your Friends' Word As GospelFor example, just because your friend bled a lot during their first time having sex, doesn't mean you will, and it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you because you didn't. Just because your friend claims she had an orgasm her first time having sex, doesn't mean you necessarily will quite so easily, and that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Just because your friend says that her BF is great at pulling out and never needs a condom, doesn't mean your partner should go condom-free. Your friends are good sources for perspective, but their experience won't necessarily be yours. Period. Just Another Girl On The IRT
You Play Fast And Loose With Safe Sex RulesIt's easy to get so caught up in having sex for the first time that you're focusing on everything but staying as safe as possible. It's understandable to be distracted, but don't play fast and loose with rules about condoms, pulling out, or birth control just because you get caught up. Being lax with sex early on is a bad habit that might cause some avoidable mistakes down the line. Submarine
You Assume Sex Is Always Supposed To Be AmazingNewsflash: it's not. Even with a partner you care for, sex won't always be the most enjoyable experience, and that's okay. This is especially the case when you're just getting used to it. It takes time to get used to being that vulnerable, sweaty, and gross with someone, especially if sex is a little painful for you as well. You're going to be okay, dude. Say Anything
What other mistakes did you make when you started having sex? Tell us in the comments!