Ask A Guy: Is It A Girl’s Job To Reach Out After A First Date?

Hey Joel,

I am wondering about a guy that I am interested in. I initiated a movie date and we went. After the movie he thanked me, and we haven’t talked since. It’s been a few days. Should I ask him out again?


First off, kudos to you for going after what you want! Making the first move can be very nerve-wracking, but it’s far better than waiting around for a guy who might take forever. That being said, his actions now may indicate a number of different possibilities.

The fact that he hasn’t reached out yet might be because he is a very shy guy. Seeing as you already took the first step in asking him out, you may also have to take the second – the follow up. If he gives you a positive response and you go out again, you need to decide if you’re OK leading the progress of the relationship. There’s nothing at all wrong with that, but for some people, they prefer to follow or let others make decisions.

However, there is the other possibility why he hasn’t reached out: he’s not as into you as you are to him. This is in no way a slam on you, but he may have had a nice time, but just doesn’t have interest in taking things any further. In life, we will all go on far more first dates than second dates, and that first date is usually little more than feeling each other out at the most basic level.

If either person isn’t really sensing a spark on date one, there’s nothing wrong with just moving on at that point. In other words: don’t take it personally. Consider yourself lucky that he’s being honest about things, and you don’t need to waste more time there.

But know that it could break either way, so the only way to know is reach out again. Give him a call and chat, and try to get a read that way. If that fails, just see if he wants to grab coffee or dinner or something along those lines. Either he’s going to be all about it, or waver. Regardless of his answer, you’ll have yours.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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