7 Of The Most Effed Up Things You’ll Do In A Dorm Room, But Shouldn’t

As exciting as dorm life can be–decorating your room, meeting your roommate, living away from your parents for the first time–there are still some serious adjustments you’re going to have to make that are less than ideal. If you’re an only child like I am and never had to share space before, living in a dorm can be a pretty rough transition. And if you’re a stickler for being super tidy, having that one roommate who is a total slob is going to drive you absolutely nuts. Oh, and if your roommate is a big social butterfly, prepare to have your tiny little room constantly filled to the brim with at least four other girls all the time.

So, yeah, whether you’re the disorganized one with a type-A roommate who freaks out when a single article of clothing is on the floor, or you’re that type-A roommate, you’re going to be in for some rude awakenings. But you might be more surprised by the not-so-charming things that you end up doing while you’re living that dorm life. Yes, you, because you’re no angel yourself. From stealing your roommate’s beauty products to hooking up while your roommate is trying to sleep, check out these seven effed up things you’re going to do in a dorm, but shouldn’t. Before you do anything wack, consider this: How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Masturbating While Your Roomie Is In The Room

Look, it's not like people just stop masturbating in college because they have to share a room with someone. People do it, and you shouldn't refrain from doing it either. But please, at least be respectful or not too obvious about it, dude. Get it done when you know that your roomie is in class, or do it super quietly in the dead of night. And no matter how chill your roommate is, chances are she doesn't want to hear your vibrator go off at 1 AM...so don't do that...please.

The Slums of Beverly Hills

Stealing Your Roommate's Food

In a flu-induced haze, I once at almost an entire bag of my roommate's chocolate after she gave me permission to have just a few morsels. Well, she wasn't very happy to find out about the state of her chocolate, that's for sure. Listen, your roomie probably won't notice if a couple of chips go missing, but don't make a habit out of taking your roommate's food. If there's one thing that people are super protective about, it's food. People do notice when they have less than they should, okay? Plus, snacks aren't cheap, and college students don't have a ton of money to throw around to feed both their tummy and yours. This is especially true if you guys share a fridge or share a communal one with other students in your hall: You don't want to end up public enemy number one in your kitchen because someone saw you take Kristen's Rice Crispy Treats, like, two weeks ago.


Having Sex While Your Roommate Is (Allegedly) Sleeping

Yes, this happens. Please, don't be that effing person. Even if you think you're being quiet, I assure you that you're not, and your roommate is going to have to deal with hearing you two going at it. Even if it's going down in your hookup's room instead of yours, even if your hookup insists that it's okay, don't do it. They probably don't realize how annoyed their own damn roommate is by your romps.

My Mad Fat Diary

'Borrowing' Your Roommate's Beauty Products

Okay, I'll admit it: I'm a monster who totally used some of my roommate's moisturizer on a regular basis in freshman year of college. Why? Because it was there and I was too lazy to just buy my own. Now, I would probably be furious if I found out that someone I lived with was slowly using up my skincare products without my knowledge. But, hey, I get it: The temptation to use your roommate's fancy face mask when she's in class might be super temping, especially since she probably won't notice. But please, don't get into the habit of doing this. It won't be pretty if you get caught in the act.


Hooking Up On Your Roommate's Bed, Desk, Etc

Yes, this happens. Like, a lot. Without fail, by the end of freshman year of college you'll have a handful of friends who admit to hooking up with someone on their roommate's bed or desk, and they won't feel very proud about it. Imagine if a roomie found out because y'all left, er, evidence behind. Ugh! Save yourself from the mortification and shame, please.

Fresh Meat

Trying On Your Roommate's Clothes While They're Out

Maybe your roommate is out of town for the weekend, or they're in class for the next few hours. Yeah, doesn't matter, that's no justification to try on their clothes or--worse yet--wear them out and about. What if you end up being photographed wearing it and they see? What if they get out of class early and walk in on you trying on their jewelry? If you want to try on something of theirs, just ask. They might be surprisingly cool with it. But never do it behind their back, ever.


Doing Illicit/Illegal Activities In The Dorm Room

Whether it's something relatively harmless like pot or something way more hardcore like cocaine (PLEASE, STAY AWAY FROM THAT STUFF), heads up: Drugs happen in college dorms, and you'll witness plenty of it. But don't do any of it in your dorm room, especially if your roommate didn't give you permission. If you get busted, your roommate could also get in trouble. Plus, it's just super inconsiderate! My friend had a roommate in college who literally sold drugs from their dorm room! I'm not saying that you'll necessarily do this, but if you do do consume any illegal substances--even if it's alcohol--don't keep it in your room, especially if your roommate is uncomfortable with it. Don't be an a-hole.

Broad City

Can you see yourself doing any of these things? Be honest. Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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