It’s no secret that sex, when you first start having it, can be a little intimidating. In fact, sex is something that tends to remain intimidating for a lot of people for a good amount of time–most people are of the (mistaken) belief that sex is something that’s purely instinctual, so if you’re not super good at it by, like, your third or fourth time, there’s something wrong with you.
This isn’t true! Sex, like most other things in the world, is something that you have to practice in order to feel totally comfortable with. And, also like other things that you have to practice in order to feel comfortable with, chances are good that you’ll encounter some unexpected surprises along the way. This is why I like this Reddit thread I recently discovered in which women who are “experienced” with sex discuss sex and hookup-related things they wish they had been warned about instead of just discovering on their own. And, honestly? A lot of them are pretty important! So, check out this sex advice from Reddit-sourced ~sexperts~ that every girl should know about:
Embrace Your KinksIt's easy to internalize a lot of shame when it comes to the things you're interested in, sexually, but it really shouldn't be that way. In fact, if you spend time worrying about certain things that you like and worrying that they're "weird," you might detract from your overall sexual experience. MamaD_Cooks said, "You shouldn't be ashamed of what you find pleasure in. I spent way too much time feeling ashamed, and not enough time enjoying myself and my partner." Image source: The 40 Year Old Virgin
Don't Let Your Partner Shame You For What You're IntoAnd, of course, it's possible that the shaming is coming from your partner--which you obviously shouldn't tolerate. You_guys said, "I have kind of a specific 'kink' that my ex SO wouldn't even entertain the idea of and it made me feel really ashamed for a while. Then my current SO did what I liked out of the blue and I knew it was meant to be." Image source: Chewing Gum
Don't Think Of It As A PerformanceThis one might be a little bit of a "duh," but it's important to make note of all the same--try not to get too wrapped up in your insecurities and what your partner might be thinking during sex! Pamplemus said, "Don't view sex as a performance. Instead, look at it as a chance to simply explore each other's bodies and find out what feels good. Don't take it too seriously - just have fun!" This is easier said than done, of course, but if you relax and have a good time, chances are good that your partner will also have an awesome time. Image source: The To Do list
Accept That Weird Noises HappenIf a queef, fart, or other unidentifiable noise escapes from your body during sex, it's not a big deal. Seriously. Adelaideanne put it well when she said, "Weird noises are inevitable and it's OK to laugh. Bonus points if your (penis-owning) partner is inside of you. The laughing may tickle his penis and it's really funny to watch him squirm." Noted! Image source: Saturday Night Live
Don't Feel Pressure To Be LoudDespite what every movie or TV show that features a sex scene might have taught you, you also don't need to perform noises if that's not what you're into. lfslshlps said, "Just because you're both not moaning like a porno, doesn't mean it isn't good. Sometimes it's so good it's hard to make a sound. Orgasms feel different depending on so many factors. Don't focus so much on trying to have an orgasm and actually enjoy sex." Image source: The Inbetweeners
ALWAYS Pee AfterwardsUTIs are not fun. Believe me. And, to prevent them, you need to follow the advice of rfaz6298, who said, "ALWAYS PEE AFTER. ALWAYS. DO NOT WAIT. NO CUDDLES, GO PEE." Seriously, you can cuddle afterwards--you'll be much happier that you sorta-kinda interrupted a tender, post-coital moment than you would be if you ended up with a UTI. Image source: Girls
Your Vagina Might Not Always Work The Way You Expect It ToYour body changes a little bit from day to day. Because of this, certain things and positions that might work for you one day really won't work for you the nest. teardrop87 said, "Your cervix changes position based on where you are in your cycle. Doggy style and deep thrusts can feel good one week, and hurt like a mother the next. This is perfectly normal, and should not cause alarm." So, pay attention to your body and know when you need to switch things up to make things more comfortable. Image source: Bridesmaids
Don't Underestimate EmotionsIt's important to keep other people's emotions in mind. Something that could be a no-strings-attached hookup for you could be super meaningful for your partner. Laughingcow2012 said, "For a lot of people sex is very emotional. If that's the case for you, you just need to be careful about how far you go and with whom. And you need to be aware of that with your partners, too. While you aren't entirely responsible for someone else's emotions, it's ethical to pay attention to how attached/emotional/vulnerable your partner is and be careful of hurting them." So, before you hook up with someone, try and make sure that you're both on the same emotional page. Image source: The To Do List
Know How To Say "No"And, perhaps most importantly, it's good to remember that you can literally always say no to sex, too. Bexielady said that the thing they wish they knew to do earlier is "How to say 'nah I don't really want to f**k you' and not care how they feel about that. I learned how to deal with saying that muuuuuch later into my sexual years and it kind of sucks." Yep! At any stage of hooking up, if you start to not feel it, it's totally your right to tell your partner to stop. Image source: Peanuts
Were you surprised by any of these tips? Do you have any sex tips to share? Let us know in the comments!