7 Ways To Make Sex Better If You Aren’t Enjoying It

If you’ve started having sex, chances are good that you already know that, a lot of the time, it can be pretty awkward. How could it not be awkward in some way, after all? It involves body fluids, limb coordination, appendage management. It’s a lot to deal with.  Or, of course, with all of this awkwardness, it is entirely possible that you’ve found you just…don’t like sex all that much.

To be clear, not enjoying sex doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, personally. Not enjoying sex could mean that your partner is screwing (so to speak) something up, or you didn’t spend enough time on foreplay, or that right now simply isn’t the best time for you to be having sex. But, if you would like to make it better in the actual moment, there are some things that you can do. So, check out these easy ways to make sex better for you if you’re not enjoying it:


Identify If There's A Problem

Like I said before, not enjoying sex doesn't automatically mean that you have a problem. But, for a lot of people, a lack of enjoyment during sex is linked to some sort of medical problem. It could be a hormone imbalance, blood flow issues, vagina conditions like vaginismus or muscle tension.  Again--this isn't the most likely scenario when it comes to less-than-enjoyable sex! But having a female body tends to be tricky in general, so it's possible that your body is tripping you up during sex. If you suspect this might be the case, don't be afraid to go and get it checked out.

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Ensure That You Feel Safe

Sexual arousal depends on a lot of different factors. One big factor? Feeling safe and secure during the act. Some doctors say that if you feel unsafe or insecure during sex, your body can function as a virus-detection system and will basically shut down. So, if you don't feel totally comfortable, there's nothing wrong with taking a pause or ending it altogether. You (and your partner) will both have a better experience if you both feel at ease.

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Keep Track Of Your Medications

It's also possible that a medication you're taking is having an adverse effect on your sex drive. Some medications have been shown to contribute to some forms of sexual dysfunction, including a lack of sexual desire, inability to become aroused, inability to have an orgasm, and feeling pain during sex. Obviously, this doesn't mean that you should stop taking your medication that you need just because it might be affecting your sex drive. But if you feel like something you're taking has a negative effect on your sex life, talk to your doctor ASAP to see if they have any advice or can switch you to a different medication.

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Don't Be Afraid To Go Slow

It's pretty common to feel a sense of urgency during sex, particularly if you're not feeling super into it and just sort of want it to be done. But, if you want to enjoy the experience a little more, try taking it slow. Take some deep breaths (seriously, paying attention to your breathing has been scientifically proven to improve sex for some people), move into a position that feels more comfortable to you, and, if you're really uncomfortable, don't be afraid to backtrack a little bit. This will allow you to find some grounding and pay more attention to what your body actually wants.

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Make Sure You Spend Enough Time On Foreplay

You probably already know this. But, just in case you need a reminder, foreplay is so, so important--it allows your vagina to self-lubricate, blood to flow to the vagina and make the clitoris more receptive to the touch, and to mentally warm up to the idea of having sex. Basically, if you're not spending an adequate amount of time on foreplay, sex is almost guaranteed to not be a good time for you. So, don't be afraid to tell your partner if they're not giving you what you need, foreplay-wise--it'll be better for both of you if you communicate this well.

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Don't Have Your Partner Go For Your Clit Right Away

We talk a lot about the clitoris and how important it is to find and stimulate it during sex. But your clitoris, contrary to popular belief, won't actually be ready to go right away. Just like your vagina, it needs some time to get ready for sex (your clitoris basically gets a mini erection when you're aroused), and if you do anything before you're ready, any stimulation it receives will be uncomfortable to the point of pain. So, to make sure that your clitoris is ready for stimulation, spend some time kissing, dry humping, and doing anything else that feels good without direct touch. After this, any stimulation your clitoris receives will feel much better.

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Don't Get Too Hung Up On It

It seems like a big deal now, but, really, it's just sex. And, at the end of the day, it's not that important. In fact, a lot of people never really get into penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex, so you don't need to have it in order to have a healthy sex life. It's totally possible that you might discover a great love of penetrative sex down the road, but, for now, it's cool to be aware of your limits.

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Is sex awkward for you sometimes? Do you have any tips for making sex better? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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