8 Signs You Shouldn’t Give Your Recent Ex A Second Chance

If your last relationship ended fairly recently, within the last few months, chances are good that you’re reading this feeling miserable. I’m sorry! Breakups suck, and moving on from someone you dated and seriously cared about, maybe even loved, is incredibly difficult. It can take a long time to be able to move past this person – which is exactly why, at this very moment, you might be considering getting back together with your ex. You miss them all the time, you feel lost, and you can only see your relationship through rose-colored glasses. Maybe you’ve already talked about this with your ex, and you guys are considering trying again. Maybe you’re thinking about reaching out to give them a second chance. Whatever the case, let me give you one piece of advice: think really, really hard before getting back together. 

You and this person broke up for a reason, you’ve been apart for a reason – things were not working anymore. Now, of course there is a chance that things could work again, and maybe you both just needed a break to grow and feel more comfortable in your relationship. But there is also a chance that you’re both feeling vulnerable and lonely, and going back to each other feels safe and comforting. It’s easy to get back together with an ex because you don’t have to go through all of the painful annoyances of dating someone new. When you’re feeling down, it becomes too simple to forget the bad stuff and to give each other another chance, even if that’s undeserved.

There are some warning signs that you shouldn’t get back together, and you need to know what they are. If you choose to ignore them and move forward, you will more than likely end up breaking up again, and having to go through the whole horrible process again. You don’t want to do that. Here are a few signs you shouldn’t give your ex a second chance:


You've Initiated Most Of The Getting Back Together

Are you the one who's been texting and calling, asking for another chance in the relationship, and continuing to ask even if they've said no before? If so, take a step back. If you're the one making all of the effort to try dating again, then things are most likely not going to work out. Getting back together should be something both people want to do, not something one person spends a lot of time convincing the other person to do. If you have to convince your ex, and it takes a while to wear them down, it's not worth it.

If you've been trying really hard to get another shot, then they might finally agree for a few reasons: one, they might start to feel guilty, and because they genuinely feel bad about hurting you, they decide to go against what they really want and try again. It's not exactly that they're dating you because they feel sorry for you, but... it's kind of like that. And why would you want that? Two, they might agree just to make things easier - kind of like giving in even if they know it isn't going to work. And there's no point in that! If you're trying really hard, and they're kind of resisting, stop trying and see what happens. If they come back to you, then maybe it is worth a second shot. If they don't, then they're over it - and you have to try to move on instead of trying to pick it back up again.

Source: iStock

You've Had The Argument That Broke You Up Multiple Times Before

Most breakups happen because of an argument - people very rarely calmly decide to end things on good terms. Think about the argument that ultimately led to your breakup. Was it about jealousy, cheating, or an issue you two have seriously disagreed on for a long time? Whatever it is, think about it: have you guys fought about this before? Have you fought about it a lot? Has it broken you guys up before? If the answer to any of those question is yes, then getting back together is pointless - that argument will come up again, and if nothing has been resolved, it will more than likely break you up again.

If you think the argument can be resolved, communicate about it - but if you've already tried to fix it, and that failed, then maybe it's just not going to work out. You can't keep arguing and breaking up over the same thing, because at a certain point, that starts to mean you just aren't right for each other.

Source: iStock

It's Been, Like, Two Weeks Since You Broke Up

The beginning stages of being broken up are the hardest. These are the days where you feel the most lonely, sad, and vulnerable. In these first days and weeks, you're most likely going to see your relationship through rose colored glasses, forgetting all of the bad stuff, and just missing the other person. Because of that, you're at risk of just getting back together with them because you know it will make you feel less lonely and sad. You have to resist that urge. If you're going to get back together with your ex, wait.

Wait at least four weeks, maybe even longer. You both need time to process the breakup and start to think about things more clearly, and you won't be able to do that right away. You kind of have to push through the pain. If a month or two goes by, and you're still incredibly miserable and miss them very much, and they feel the same, then maybe you should get back together. But if it's been two weeks, and you've still spent most of that time talking, you're not actually giving yourselves time to think. You both need that time! Try to push through.

Source: iStock

Everyone Is Begging You Not To

You shouldn't always listen to your friends and family when it comes to their advice on your relationship, because it can be hard for outsiders to truly understand the bond between a couple. But in certain situations, hearing them out is crucial - and this is one of them. If you're thinking of getting back with your ex, tell a few friends and family members and see what they say. If they all get mad, upset, and start telling you it's a horrible idea... then there's a reason. Maybe your ex treated you worse than you thought or could admit, but they saw it.

In all honesty, most people will immediately say "bad idea" when you mention getting back with your ex. So, explain the situation to your close friends and then see what they say. Sometimes they might agree it's worth another shot! But if they're begging you not to do it, you might want to listen - they could be thinking about this a little more clearly than you, and their stubborn stance could mean you need more time, even if you don't realize it.

Source: iStock

Nothing Has Changed

Again, think about the reason you guys broke up. Was it because you live far from each other or because one of you is moving? Has the location situation changed? If the answer is no, don't get back together. Did you break up because they don't believe in labels and you desperately want labels? Do you still disagree on this? If the answer is yes, don't try again. Did you end things because they're overly jealous? Are they still like that? If they are, stay apart. Get the pattern here?

If the thing that broke you up is still exactly the same, and isn't going to change any time soon, there is no reason to get back together. It's just going to come up again, even if it takes weeks! It's not worth it. The only way you should try making things work again is if you can both try to work out the issue.

Source: iStock

They've Broken Your Trust Multiple Times

There are some people who are able to move past cheating or lying or just general broken trust, and give their partner a second chance. That's great - sometimes people do deserve a second chance, even if they really messed up. But if your ex has broken your trust multiple times, don't get back together with them - they will almost definitely do it again. They've seen that their behavior is accepted and that it won't keep you two apart. There is very little stopping them from betraying you again. Don't give them the chance. If someone has cheated multiple times, they will probably cheat again. If they spent your whole relationship flirting with other girls, that will eventually continue. Sometimes, people can't change.

Source: iStock

You Weren't Happy When You Were Together

Think about how you felt when you were dating this person - how you really, truly felt. Don't only focus on the happy moments, think about everything. If you genuinely felt unhappy, then you probably shouldn't get back together. You might feel tempted to get back together because, like I said, it's easy and comforting. But a few weeks break isn't going to magically make everything better. If you were unhappy before, chances are good you'll be unhappy again at some point, and that's just not worth it.

Source: iStock

They Abused You In Any Way

It sounds obvious, but sometimes we need the reminder: if your ex abused you in any way, physically or emotionally, do not get back together with them. Manipulative, abusive partners can have two very different sides - horrible and wonderful. If they ever hit you, they will almost definitely hit you again, no matter how remorseful they seem. If they emotionally abused you, they will almost definitely do it again. Don't give them the chance. Don't listen to their persuasive apologies. Partners who abuse almost never do it just once.

Source: iStock

Are you thinking of getting back together with an ex? Do you disagree with any of the signs here? Let me know in the comments.

You can follow the author, Jessica Booth, on Twitter or Instagram.

 

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