It’s hard to not feel hyped up about the first time you have sex, whether you’re terrified, excited, completely confused, or a mix of everything. The media, Hollywood, and societal expectations makes it impossible to think about losing your virginity and not feel some type of way. For some people, having sex is considered a rite of passage, a really big deal, and is typically thought of as something you’ll remember forever. For others, it’s no big deal, something you don’t need to waste time stressing over. There’s no right way to feel about losing your v-card, but there are definitely some things you need to know before it happens.
You probably already know the obvious stuff: you have to have a basic idea of safe sex (use a condom, consider going on another form of birth control, get tested). You should feel comfortable and should absolutely be giving your consent to whatever is going on. You should never feel pressured. You’re always told that you don’t really need to know what you’re doing, and it’s not as big of a thing as you think it is. But there’s more info out there that you should be aware of besides the basic stuff. In this Ask Reddit thread, girls talked about the things they wish they knew before losing their virginity, and honestly? It’s all super helpful. So, if you’re a virgin, check it out – even if you’re not, it’s worth reading!
He CAN Be Too BigUser mysecretoutlet brings up two good points: "That sexual incompatibility is a thing, and in regards to size, they can be too big." Both are important to keep in mind! First of all, if things are really bad, you guys might not be compatible in bed. That sucks, but it's okay. It happens quite often! Second: if it feels like his penis is too big to fit, it could be. Everyone says the vagina stretches and that it will be fine, and that's true - it does stretch, and maybe, eventually, it will feel fine. But some girls have a lot of trouble with a particularly large penis, and that's okay. Don't force it if it's really hurting that badly just because you think you're supposed to. Source: iStock
The Clitoris Still Needs LoveHere's something most women don't learn about sex until they get older: you still need to stimulate your clitoris. User sleepingwideawake says she wish she knew, "How to play with my clit. I mean overall my first experience was pretty decent. But I didn't discover my clit until several months later...." It's very difficult, sometimes almost impossible, for most women to have a vaginal orgasm. Since penetrative sex doesn't always stimulate your clit, you either have to find a position that makes that more likely, or you have to stimulate it yourself with your finger, a sex toy, or your partner's finger. I mean, you don't HAVE to, but it definitely will make things feel better. Source: iStock
You Should Practice On Your Own FirstIf you're totally freaked out about your first time, then just practice on your own first! User kaitmichele says, "Put something in there before you put a guy's dick in there. Experiment with penetration on your own. I had never, ever put anything other than a tampon up there - and even that felt uncomfortable. I was raised pretty puritan, so going to buy a dildo was way out of my comfort zone. When I felt like I couldn't put off sex with my boyfriend any longer, I literally went to the grocery store and bought a cucumber! I put a condom on that thing, locked the door, and lost my virginity to a vegetable. Crazy and silly though it sounds, I'm glad I did that. It was enormously painful for me, and being by myself let me take all the time I needed without feeling pressured by someone else's enthusiasm. It made the actual PIV experience much more bearable, if only because I knew how slowly I needed him to go and I was prepared for how it would feel. (For the record, it was never very painful after that first time.)" I really recommend using a sex toy like a dildo or vibrator for practicing, but you get the point! Source: iStock
You're Not Going To Change After Having SexEveryone makes it seem like having sex makes you a different person, and that's not true. User 99degrees says, "There's not much difference between a virgin and a non-virgin. You don't turn into this completely different person." It might feel like a big deal, it might not. Either way, you aren't going to suddenly transform. Source: iStock
Sex With A Woman CountsWhen you think about losing your virginity, you probably think about penetrative sex between a man and a woman. Well, this definitely isn't the only way to lose your v-card. As user Pantone877 says, "That sex with women count as losing your virginity, a penis doesn't need to be involved." Source: iStock
It's Not A Huge Deal To Every GuyHollywood and old wive's tales can make it seem like guys are either terrified of virgins, or really turned on by them. This is true in some cases - there definitely are guys who seek out virgins, and there definitely are guys who get scared of them - but it's not always true. User tie_dead says, "I thought when I told the guy I was with, that he was going to walk out or get weird and end up never talking to me again. He just shrugged his shoulders and went with it. Later on when I told him I was surprised at his reaction, he told me that he liked me and it didn't matter, which is exactly how it should be." Source: iStock
Everything You've Heard About Hymens Is A LieI bet that one of the reasons you're scared about losing your virginity is because of your hymen breaking - you think there will be blood and pain. This isn't always true! User dessertsp00ns says, "That all of that business you hear about hymens growing up is pretty much completely false!! I didn't bleed or feel anything "tear" and I thought there was something horrifically wrong with me." You won't always bleed - and if you do, it will probably just be a small amount of blood. Also, your hymen doesn't always break. Sometimes it tears before you ever even have sex. Oh, and "break" is really too violent of a term for a hymen tearing. It's not that serious! Source: iStock
Telling Your Partner It's Your First Time Might Make Things EasierA lot of girls are scared to tell their partner it's their first time - they don't want to freak them out, or they just want to seem more experienced than they are. But being honest might actually help you. User lauraam says she wish she knew, "To tell my partner that it was my first time. I knew at the time that it was probably something I should have done, but looking back I think it would've been so much better for both of us if I'd said it, which I didn't know then." Being real about your sex experience could make them be more gentle and slow, can make this more of a learning experience rather than something totally scary and confusing. Source: iStock
But A Guy Almost Definitely Won't Be Able To TellThat said, you don't have an obligation to tell your partner that it's your first time - that's totally up to you. And, despite popular belief, a guy can't always tell. User Sister_Winter says she wishes she knew, "How you can totally pretend you're not a virgin and they'll never know they took your virginity. Dude had no idea and he never will!" There's nothing wrong with pretending! Source: iStock
You Won't Know Everything Right AwayHonestly, don't be freaked out if you don't feel like a sex expert - that's totally normal. User medium-tiny says, "It's your first time. You shouldn't feel like you need to know exactly what you're doing. This goes for the first time and every time -- do it with a partner who makes you feel like you can be yourself, not with someone who makes you feel like you have to fake it (either your expertise or your orgasm)." Source: iStock
What do you wish you knew before losing your virginity? What did you find the most helpful? Tell us in the comments.