Ask A Guy: Why Does Your Boyfriend Check Out Other Girls?

Hey Joel,

Lately, I’ve been noticing that the guy I’ve been dating has been checking out other girls a lot when we’re out. It doesn’t really bother me (I know that he has eyes and that checking someone out isn’t the same thing as cheating) but I am kind of curious if his behavior is normal. So, when guys are in a relationship, how often do they check out other girls? Is there ever a time when I should be concerned about it?

jealous

Yes, we all have wandering eyes from time to time, and it;s not always a prelude to cheating or the end of a relationship. However, the simple answer to when you should be concerned about his checking out other girls is that you should say something whenever it starts to bother you.

While I totally get that you don’t want to have an awkward conversation “about nothing,” if it does indeed bother you, avoiding the conversation will only make things worse. The longer you let things go without saying something, the greater the chance of it leading to resentment and bad feelings. Having a calm conversation about the fact that it bothers you will save a lot of stress.

Chances are, when you do bring it up he will be somewhere between embarrassed and defensive. There’s no doubt that he cares about you a great deal, and getting called out about checking out other girls is going to cause some friction. This is another reason to say something earlier as opposed to later. You’ll be much calmer and less upset, and that will make the entire conversation much easier and smoother.

One key thing to consider before the conversation is WHY it bothers you when he checks out other girls. You aren’t at all wrong to feel the way you do, but if you can point to exactly your reason, it will make the chat far more focused and beneficial. Does his checking out other girls make you feel less attractive? Do you worry it might lead to him cheating on you? Are you questioning whether or not he feels completely fulfilled in the relationship? Being able to pinpoint your frustration(s) is a big part of resolving the issue.

Yes, we all have wandering eyes, and wandering thoughts from time to time. However, if something makes you feel uncomfortable, saying something sooner as opposed to later is always a better move.
Best wishes,

Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

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