What To Do If Your Ex Has A New Girlfriend But Still Likes You

Hi Heather,

My ex and I broke up almost a year ago. A month later, he got a new girlfriend. They’ve been together for a while, but recently, he started calling me and asking me to hang out. We ended up hanging out and hooking up a few months ago, and every once in a while we meet up again – even though he’s still with his girlfriend. I don’t understand why he continues to come back to me if he’s in a relationship with her. Whenever I ask him what he’s doing, he ignores me. I don’t know what to do. Help me please.


So… I’ll be blunt. What your ex boyfriend is doing sucks. Not only is he stringing you along, confusing you and ignoring you when he wants to, but he’s also cheating on his girlfriend. He’s acting really selfish and unfair, and both of you deserve better than that!

I don’t know why your ex is cheating on his girlfriend with you. Maybe he’s a little bored, but he doesn’t want to break up with her, so he’s just having fun on the side. Maybe he misses you but also really likes her, so he’s allowing himself to have the best of both worlds. The reason he called you out of nowhere is probably a combination of these two things: one, he missed you and wanted to see you again; and two (this will hurt to hear), he knew that hanging out with you would be a lot easier than hanging out with a new girl he was never with before. Guys tend to go back to their exes because it’s an easier situation for them – they don’t have to put in as much work to get what they want, and the old feelings come back quickly. It sucks, but it’s true.

You asked me what you should do, and personally, I think you should stop talking to and hanging out with him. Being the other woman might be a little fun at first, but it quickly gets old, exhausting, and miserable. He’s giving no indication that he plans on breaking up with his girlfriend to be with you. The fact that he ignores your questions about his intentions shows that he’s not interested in changing anything – he wants to hang out with you when he wants, and be with his girlfriend when he wants. This benefits no one but him.

You deserve to be treated as a first priority, and not as a side chick. And his girlfriend probably deserves to be respected and not cheated on. If he can’t even have the decency to communicate with you, why would you want to keep hooking up with him? Your best bet is to stop speaking to him and move on. This guy is nothing but bad news, and there’s no reason you should be dealing with it.

Good luck!

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