How often do you think about being cool? I don’t mean “cool” in the temperature sense here (though in these ice cap-troubled times, that would be understandable!), but, rather, in the clout-related sense. You know, like, popularity. Leverage. Sway.
I will have you know that I think about being cool almost constantly, which, as everyone knows, is just about the surest way to tell that you are not, in fact, cool. Still, because of this, I have been able to devise a system to tell if someone is cool, or, you know. Not. (You know that thing when a word loses meaning because you say it too often? Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool!) So, check out these simple ways to tell if you are actually a cool girl…or not. (Editor’s note: extremely JK!! You are cool just the way you are.)
1. You are objectively hot, in, you know–a natural way:
2. Without acknowledging that you’re hot, obviously:
3. You’re not “clingy” or “overattached”–but you are, of course, readily available whenever the object of your affection needs you:
Me responding to him saying he's sorry he missed my text yesterday: "it's cool haha I'm not some clingy weirdo!"
Me: *is a clingy weirdo*
— Angela (@AngelaKardash) July 17, 2017
4. You have a Beach! Body!
My ideal beach body. pic.twitter.com/V3TPa7Jtfs
— Ana Mardoll (@AnaMardoll) July 14, 2017
5. You know JUST ENOUGH about sports…
6. And “cool” music:
Me: Oh I really like that band too
Person: Oh yeah? What's the middle name of the oldest cousin of the drummer then?
— elif (@kindofsatan) May 11, 2016
7. And “cool” books:
Infinite Jest? Never heard of it. pic.twitter.com/p5eRaduNET
— Tthew (@Papi_Cumpleanos) May 4, 2017
8. And “cool” TV shows and movies where “cool” basically just translates into “by men, for men:”
9. You would commit hari kari before showing your panty lines:
Ladies, never show panty lines!!!!!! It breaks the illusion that your pants are actually your skin!!!!!
— Lily Karlin (@lilykarlin) August 26, 2015
10. Periods? You may or may not have them. No one knows for sure.
If I lie down for 22 hours a day during my period and stay away from anyone with an opinion, it's, like, pretty manageable.
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) March 29, 2017
11. You’re totally fine at laughing at jokes made at the expense of other girls:
I'm not like other skater girls. I never even been on a skateboard. I don't know how to skate.
— aphrodite (@catholic_nun) July 18, 2017
12. Because you’re a feminist, but, like, a cool feminist:
I'm really irritated by how often mainstream "feminists" throw lesbians under the bus. "Oh I'm not one of 'those' feminists"
— Nazira Bashour (@bashour_nazira) July 10, 2017
13. And, above all, not like other girls:
the 'cool girl' monologue from Gone Girl is everything pic.twitter.com/LQU6umCQVX
— MARIO (@MarioPalush) July 8, 2017
What do you think of these tips? Based on the criteria, are you a cool girl? Let us know in the comments!