Sometimes, dating works out well. You meet someone you like, they like you back, things fall into place, and you find yourself in a serious relationship with that person. Other times – and sometimes it feels like all the time – things are a lot messier. You meet someone you like, they seem like they like you back (probably), you hang out and hook up, things seem like they might get more serious, and then… they say they don’t want a relationship. And usually, their reason for not wanting a relationship just sounds like a lame excuse, which is probably because it is.
Here’s the harsh truth that no one really wants to hear: if a guy says he doesn’t want to seriously date you, the reason is because he doesn’t like you enough to date you. There is no deeper reason behind that, but it’s easier to pretend there is because it doesn’t make you feel as terrible as realizing your feelings are stronger than their feelings. And because it’s really, really hard to say to someone, “I don’t like you like that,” guys give excuses that sugarcoat the truth and make you feel better. Not only do these excuses sound nicer, but they also take the guy off the hook – excuses help them avoid uncomfortable confrontation and make them look a little better. And, in some cases, these excuses also enable them to continue hooking up with you without having to, you know, treat you like someone they care about.
I know just as well as anyone else how easy it is to fall for these excuses, especially when you’re desperately in lust and you want to hang on to any possibility of a relationship. I’ve fallen for many of them before myself. But now I’m in a place where I can see that these lame excuses for not wanting to commit are total BS – and I don’t want you to get tricked by them too. Check out the things guys say when they just don’t want to date you, and stay wise out there!
'I'm Not Ready Because Of My Last Relationship'What you think this means: Ugh, his last girlfriend probably hurt him really and he still hasn't healed. He just needs some time to see how much better I am. What he actually means: It's one of two things. One option: His ex really did hurt him and left him feeling vulnerable and betrayed. He's not interested in dating anyone seriously and wants to have fun and do his own things. Option number two: He isn't over her yet, and hasn't moved on. He can't date you because he's still into her and is hoping she'll come back. It's not that these aren't legitimate excuses for not dating someone - it's just that he's not being 100 percent honest with you. Saying, "I'm not ready right now because of my last relationship" can make him seem like the victim here - like you need to feel sorry for him. It can also give you hope that that will change in the future. In reality, he probably shouldn't be dating anyone at all - and you're better off stepping back and not hanging out with him while he works through this. Source: iStock
'I'm Not Looking For Anything Serious Right Now'What you think this means: He wants to just have a chill, casual relationship for now, but he might change his mind in the future. What he actually means: He isn't interested in dating you, but he wants to keep his options open with you at the same time. Saying this ("I'm not looking for anything serious right now") is incredibly vague - so vague, in fact, that it could give you hope that something will eventually happen, which gets you to stick around. Here's the truth: if a guy really likes you, he will make things serious with you because he won't want to lose you to anyone else. If he's willing to hang out and hook up knowing you could be doing that with other people, he's not going to make things serious with you ever. Source: iStock
'I Hate Relationships. They're So Complicated.'What you think this means: He's a free spirit! Relationships ARE kind of complicated. Maybe we should try to do things differently. What he actually means: I don't want a relationship now or in the immediate future. When a guy says this, he's saying it because he doesn't know how to tell you he doesn't want to date you. He doesn't want to push you away completely - he wants to still hook up, maybe - but he also doesn't want you to think you have a future together. Source: iStock
'Let's See What Happens'What you think this means: We're taking things slow! I'm sure we'll get serious in the future. What he actually means: I don't want to be serious with you, but I don't want to completely close off the option. Dudes generally like to keep their options open. Saying something vague and open ended like "let's see what happens" leaves you hanging on by a string. They're giving you hope that things will progress in the future (although I guarantee they won't), so they get to have you around to do whatever they want without having to make a commitment. Basically, they win, and you lose. Source: iStock
'I Just Don't Like Labels.'What you think this means: Labels are kind of stupid. I guess we don't have to say boyfriend and girlfriend as long as we're hanging together. What he actually means: I have no interest in being in a relationship with you. It's pretty simple - this vague, annoying AF excuse is just that: an excuse. He doesn't want to date you, but he doesn't want to be the jerk who says that. So he says something like this... and leaves you feeling confused. Source: iStock
'I Can't Leave Her Yet, But I Will Be Able To Soon'What you think this means: He wants to leave his girlfriend for me, but he just can't right now... but he will! He just needs time. What he actually means: I like both of you but I really have no intention of leaving my girlfriend any time soon, but I also don't want to lose you either. If a guy really likes you and he's already dating someone, he will break up with that person for you pretty quickly. I promise. He will not have 1000 reasons for not being able to end things - if he's doing that, run away. Source: iStock
'I'm Too Busy For A Relationship Right Now'What you think this means: You probably have no idea because this excuse sucks. What he actually means: I don't want to date you. I don't want to commit to anyone. I just want to have fun. I hate when I hear guys say stuff like this. Relationships do take time and work, but if you really like someone and want to date them, you will never be too busy to make time for that! Source: iStock
'You're Too Good For Me'What you think this means: I guess this is kind of nice. He doesn't want to hurt me. He knows he can't fully commit to me like I deserve. He really does like me, he just feels like he can't be the right guy for me. But he can! He'll see that eventually. What he actually means: I want to keep hooking up with you when I want to and I also don't want to hurt you by turning you down, so I'm saying this so you don't hate me. This is the worst excuse ever. It means nothing. It is an insult to everyone. Please do not fall for it. Source: iStock
'I'm Going To Fall For You Too Hard'What you think this means: He's scared to get close to someone and he knows that will happen to me. OR, alternatively you might think, WTF? What he actually means: He doesn't want to date you. Also, he needs to learn some new lines. If a guy says this, turn the other way and run. Fast. He's a manipulator who is trying to play on your feelings - and he has no intentions of making things serious. Source: iStock
'I Don't Know What I Want Right Now.'What you think this means: He just needs some time. I can give him that. What he actually means: I don't want to date you but I also don't want to completely take that option off the table. To be honest, this guy probably doesn't know what he wants - but he does know he doesn't want to date you any time soon. Source: iStock
Which one of these excuses have you heard? Have you ever used any of them? Let us know in the comments.