We’ve talked a lot about virginity on Gurl; about how it’s a pretty convoluted concept that’s shrouded in purity myths, misinformation about hymens, and the out of control levels of heteronormativity that accompany it. But sexual milestones still hold some meaning for us and our society as a whole, so denying the significance of losing one’s virginity–however you define it–is important.
I lost my v-card later than most women do, and because I was still a virgin so late (AKA past my college years), I was subjected to a wide range of reactions to my status by friends and even a couple of eventual lovers. It’s annoying, but it’s fact of life: Being a virgin comes with a lot of stigma, assumptions, and scrutiny, especially if you’re in college or older. This is especially true if you’re a straight girl who is a virgin and you tell a straight dude that you’re into about it. Are you frigid? Are you super religious? Are you looking for husband material first? God, the accusations are endless. But if you’re a virgin and you’re going to disclose your v-card status to someone you want to get intimate with, be prepared for one (or more) of these seven potential reactions about your virginity.
He'll Think You'll Be Super Clingy If You Two Have SexWomen are always stereotyped as more vulnerable to catching feelings after having sex. So you can imagine what a guy would assume of a girl's attachment to him if she loses her virginity with him. Honestly, the guy I eventually lost my v-card to admitted to having this concern, and while he obviously got over it, it still bothered the hell out of me! If you ask me, it comes across as pretty arrogant, assuming that a girl is going to fall madly in love with you just because you're the first person she has sex with. Pfft, as if. But whether you're the clingy type or not, don't be surprised by this reaction. Clueless
He'll Be Weirdly Turned OnEugh, don't assume that this is a better reaction than someone thinking you're frigid. There really are dudes who fetishize virginity and absolutely relish the opportunity to--gag--deflower you. This can be particularly irritating if they're making a bigger deal out of your virginity than you are. You might think your virginity is no big deal, while they think your virginity is a super sexy example of how pure your body is. Ugh, gross. Some Girls
He'll Be Uninterested, But Not For A Reason You Should Feel Bad AboutYou might disclose your v-card status to a guy who rejects your advances, and not because he's worried about you becoming a clingy monster. Rather, he simply wants to get sexually intimate with someone who has more experience around the bedroom and can--for a lack of a better phrase--keep up with them. This is a true example of "it's not you, it's me," and as much as this reaction might hurt, you should try not to take it too personally. You want to have a first time sex experience with someone who wants to be patient with you, and in a way they're actually doing you a favor by opening to door for you to find someone who will be down to help you through your first time and all that it entails. Freaks and Geeks
He'll Think You're Frigid AFThis is the type of guy who thinks that everyone has sex by a certain age, and if you don't, you must be some sort of frigid weirdo who would probably scream if you saw a penis IRL. He'll also assume you've never masturbated, probably, because he'll assume that the only way for a woman to have any sort of sexual familiarity with herself is by having sex with a man. Hopefully, the person you disclose your virginity to doesn't have this mindset. Michael Jackson/Vevo
He'll Be Accepting, But CondescendingMaybe your v-card status isn't particularly weird or interesting to him, but if he's sexually experienced, he might use this as an opportunity to be your teacher of sorts like some kind of bootleg Christian Gray. Honestly, there's nothing inherently wrong about someone who helps you explore your sexuality, but when they act like you're totally clueless about sex, orgasms, your own genitals, etc...that can be pretty annoying. You don't always want to feel like you're a student, you know? Heather
He'll Assume You're Looking For A HusbandSo, you tell him that you're a virgin, and he immediately thinks that you're some sort of secret cookie cutter conservative who can't wait to be pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen. Essentially, he assumes that if you waited this long to lose your virginity, you were waiting to have sex with your one true soulmate: Him. Just like the clingy assumption, this is a super arrogant stance for someone to take. But given how much sexist drivel there is out there about women in relationships, don't be surprised if the guy you reveal your virginity to balks with this scenario in mind. Grease
He'll Be IndifferentThis is the most ideal reaction of them all: You tell him that you're a virgin, and he essentially shrugs in response. He doesn't care, he's not judging you for it, and while he might be a little surprised, he's not making any weird assumptions about you because of it. There are guys out there like this, believe me. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air/NBC
Have you ever disclosed your v-card status to a guy? Tell us in the comments!