Let’s be real: Dysfunctional relationships are a form of entertainment. Your favorite TV shows–whether reality TV or some prestige drama–have a juicy dysfunctional relationship that you love to watch unfold. Whenever you’re scrolling through Twitter and stumble upon some random person’s relationship drama, you’re making sure you refresh your feed for new deets. And as disgusting as Rob Kardashian’s revenge porn tirade against Blac Chyna was, that didn’t stop people from following the shenanigans with a serious thirst for more wackiness to ensue. We can’t get enough dysfunction, but we aren’t too keen about our own relationships oozing with it.
Here’s the thing: It’s easy enough to note when your relationship is less than perfect, but it’s a lot harder to note when your relationship has gone past the point of “less than perfect” and pulled up to dysfunction junction. But it’s time to face the writing on the wall, dude. Worried that this is hitting a little too close to home? Check out these eight signs that your relationship is dysfunctional AF. You two might be able to work it out, but don’t assume that it’ll get better on its own.
The Good Times Are Really Good, But The Bad Times Are Monstrously BadIt's easy to brush off legit concerns about the health of your relationship when you can look back on moments that brought you true joy. Maybe you think about a really romantic gesture your partner made, or the time they bought you a present, or that really amazing hookup a couple of weeks ago, or that time when they held you close when you were sad. It's understandable to cling to these glimmers of happiness, but be real: You need more than glimmers for a relationship to survive in a happy, healthy manner. If it's way easier for you to pick out the bad moments--the fights, the silent treatments, the break up threats, the distrust, etc--then that's not good. If your dysfunctional moments far outnumber the happy moments, you need to do some serious soul searching about your relationship. A cute walk in the park that one time can't sustain your relationship if it's an absolute clusterf**k. My Mad Fat Diary
You Two Fight... A LotYelling matches between you two have become so common that you barely notice how unhealthy it is. It's like...it's not a normal day if you two don't/em> get into a shouting match via text, on the phone, or IRL. Listen: A good day for you two shouldn't be determined by whether or not you guys made a scene in the hallway. This is classic dysfunction, and both of you need to actively work on turning things around. If the shouting starts to turn into emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, however, it's time to break things up. Name calling and violence have no place in a healthy relationship, period. Clueless
You're Not Above Doing Emotionally Manipulative Things When You're AngryWe all have out petty moments in a relationship. Who hasn't been super passive aggressive to their partner, or given 'em the ol' silent treatment when they pissed you off? I know that I'm guilty of that. But are you cooking up emotionally manipulative payback on a semi-regular basis? If so, uh, yikes. Double yikes if your partner is dishing out this kind of nonsense as well. You two cannot happily spend half of your relationship trying to make each other feel bad while simultaneously relying on each other for a shoulder to cry on. That's dictionary definition dysfunctional right there. Submarine
You Two Literally Turn Anything Into An Argument, Usually When It's Not Even That DeepWhile fighting is a major feature of dysfunctional relationships, your relationship can have some serious dysfunction without shouting matches. Even little arguments--without raising your voices, slamming doors, or initiating silent treatments--can be a sign of dysfunction. Think about it: Do you guys have petty little arguments or aggressive debates about, well, just about anything? Does it sometimes feel like you guys fight just because you can? Yeah, that's going to turn into resentment really quickly, believe me. When you're at a stage in your relationship when simply figuring out what to eat somehow turns into a stupid, incredibly avoidable argument that goes on far longer than it should, y'all are in dangerous territory. Some Girls
Your Friends Ask You If You Two Are Okay, OftenIt's natural for friends to ask how your relationship is going, but if this happens to you, note two things: The tone and the frequency. If the tone is less curious and more concerned, that's a sign that your relationship might worry this friend of yours. Also, see if they ask about your relationship often. As normal as it is for a friend to ask about you and your boo, asking about it whenever they see you or regularly over text is overkill...and it means something. Fresh Meat
The Trust Between You Two Is BrokenYou feel like you just can't tell them anything anymore without your insecurity somehow being turned against you or falling on deaf ears. Or maybe you caught them talking to someone else on the side, and even though they claim it was nothing, you can't get the "nothing" out of your mind. You used to trust your partner wholeheartedly, but now you can't bring yourself to do it. I have two words for you: Dysfunction junction. Skins
You Make A Lot Of Excuses For Their Bad BehaviorYour friends and family call out your partner, claim that they treat you like crap, and what do you do? Make excuses for them. They were having a bad day, they're just stressed with school/work, they were just tired, they didn't mean it, etc. Sound familiar? You might do this so often that it seems normal to you but, newsflash sis: It's not. You shouldn't have to consistently make excuses or defend your partner's bad behavior, and you look like a chump when you do. Grease
Your Friends And Family 'Joke' About The Drama Between You TwoSure, it might seem like they're making light of your situation--hell, maybe some are--but for the most part? They're trying to find a not-so-awkward way to tell you that your relationship is messy AF. Yo, when your relationship becomes the butt of an awkward joke about incompatibility and drama, that's a bad sign. That '70s Show
Do you relate to any of these scenarios? What else makes a relationship super dysfunctional? Tell us in the comments!