If you are on the internet for a long enough time, you will eventually reach the point at which you realize that, finally, for this particular day, you have had enough. The ‘net has failed you for this day, you have seen enough, and the only real solution is to call it a day and log off for at least a few hours in order to attain some sense of cleanliness in the mind, body, and spirit. The amount of time that it takes to reach this moment differs by the day–it could be three hours, and it could be five minutes–as does the content required to incite it. Sometimes it is the news, sometimes it is one of those pimple popping videos that one of your Facebook friends always posts, and sometimes it is some viscerally disturbing fashion.
Today, the thing that has brought me to my breaking point (as, I have realized, it almost always the case) is relationship goals.
I try not to be too vulnerable on here, but the truth is that every single one of these relationship goals broke me, so simultaneously explicit and baffling were they in nature. And, naturally, the only way I know how to cope is by forcing others to share in my pain. So. Want to ease my pain? Please check out these unnecessarily sexual relationship goals that, if you are anything like me, will probably make you very uncomfortable:
1. First of all, here is the WORST thing I have EVER SEEN:
2. Followed closely by this “soul dance:”
3. Don’t call girls “females,” okay?
4. This requires a lot of, um logistics? For example, can you only hump on Wednesdays? Is humping the only thing that’s allowed? I know it’s not that deep, but also, it is:
5. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DISRESPECT DORA WINIFRED LIKE THIS:
8. Who drew this?
9. Who took this?
10. This was the last time these two were ever seen:
11. I’m so tired:
12. ?????? I appreciate the sentiment, Tabitha, but I really just want to watch The Keepers, so this feels a little inappropriate???
What do you think of these goals? Did they, indeed, make you feel uncomfortable? Let us know in the comments!