Ask A Guy: How To Make Sure A Guy Won’t Send Your Nudes To His Friends

Hey Joel,

I recently did something pretty dumb. I sent nudes and a selfie (although a part of my face is hidden) to a guy on Kik who I don’t know. And now I’m completely freaking out because it was a stupid thing to do and even though he said he wouldn’t post it anywhere I still feel like such an idiot. Like, if I stop talking to him or if I’m rude he might use those images against me. Is there any way I can make sure he doesn’t do anything with them?

There are a number of lessons to be learned from your experience, but one of the most important things is to know that you are far from the only one to do this, and many people have been in a similar situation. Obviously, you can’t take back sending those photos, but you raise some very valid concerns about the future.

Almost every question and fear you have comes down to a single question: what quality of guy is on the other side of those Kik messages? Regardless of whether it’s Kik, SnapChat, FaceTime or just texts, before you go baring it all, make sure you have confidence that the other person isn’t shady or manipulative. In other words, don’t go sending steamy photos right away. Give it time and build up before you reveal it all.

In terms of what to do moving forward, all you can really do is trust this guy to do the right thing. You need to be yourself, and if he starts acting like a jerk, call him on it. One of the keys is: don’t send him more nudes! Chances are, since he got a few already, he’s going to be begging for more – but I wouldn’t send any others because obviously you’re not completely comfortable with it.

If he ends up doing something like threatening to use the images against you, don’t hesitate to get aggressive with him. If you’re under eighteen, him sharing or posting those photos anywhere is a criminal offense due to your age. If you’re over eighteen, most states now have laws to protect against things like this.

It may be embarrassing to have to involve the police, but better that than your photos making the rounds. The practice of sending nudes has become pretty commonplace in society, and what you’re feeling is the biggest caution people need to consider when sending nudes. Know that you’re not at all alone in how you feel, and hopfeully these photos will go no farther than this guy.
Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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