I probably don’t need to tell you that dating is hard. Open and honest communication is hard to come by, so there is always a lot of confusion and frustration involved in figuring out what someone wants. We can’t figure out how we’re supposed to act because conflicting advice is flung at us from every which one. One person tells you to play hard-to-get, while another person is talking about how their cousin married their one night stand, so anything can happen. We’re encouraged to keep it real, but then everyone everywhere seems to get totally freaked out when someone shows any interest at all. It’s only natural to make a lot of mistakes!
That said, you of course want to try to avoid those mistakes, because, you know, you probably want to meet someone and have a successful relationship. Everyone’s experience is different, but sometimes it’s helpful to hear about what the opposite sex wants – even if it seems to be exactly what you thought they didn’t want. While a certain amount of fate and ~feelings~ are involved in getting two people together, there are also definitely things you can do that could be making it harder for you guys to thrive. Want to know what they are? In this Ask Reddit thread, men discuss the most common dating mistakes girls make all the time. Keep them in the back of your mind the next time you’re flirting or texting or going on a date – who knows, they might actually save your potential match!
Never Texting FirstI usually hear girls talking about how they refuse to text first or call first, because if the guy wants to talk, he'll get in touch. Okay... but sometimes you have to make that first move also, or they'll think you're not interested either. User Icemanrussian says, "This might be the most common/stereotypical, and totally understand that not everyone woman does this..... but the amount of not continuing the conversation. In a lot of ways, I'm understanding of having the one to be to start texts/moves/etc, but at least when I do, at least try something to add to the conversation to add substance in the discussion so it can not die." Source: iStock
Getting Too AttachedNo one really loves when someone comes on too strong. It's fine for you to be honest about your feelings, but don't like you two are a long-term couple when you've only been on a few dates. User loveandsubmit says, "Acting like we're way farther along in a relationship than it seems would be reasonable. Like in the first couple dates talking about how she knows her dad is gonna like me, can't wait til he meets me. Or how she should warn me now that Valentine's Day is a really big day for her, when we're on our first date and it's April." Source: iStock
Never Planning A DateGuys REALLY like it when the girl takes some control, and that can even be true in something as simple as planning a date. Instead of saying, "I don't care!" when he asks which restaurant you want to go to, suggest something. User JSmith666 says, "Not being engaged in the planning. If i have to plan everything and guess what you want to do i will lose interest pretty quick." Source: iStock
Acting Like You Don't CarePlaying hard to get a little too much is going to backfire. If you act like you don't care at all, he's going to get turned off. User nickachu_ says, "Acting disinterested when they're actually interested. Just f****** let me know, I'm obviously keen on you if we're talking daily." Source: iStock
Using Sex As ManipulationYou should have sex whenever you feel comfortable - you shouldn't be following some weird set of rules, like refusing to have sex until the third date, or telling a guy that you two can do it once he does x, y, and z. User that_one_perv says, "Strategically withholding sex, either in attempt to make a dude commit or during a relationship to get what you want." Guys can see through this kind of thing, even if we think they can't. Source: iStock
Acting Too EntitledThere's a big difference between having standards and expecting to be treated very well, and acting like a princess - you have to find the right balance. User anothergodamnaccount says, "Viewing themselves as some sort of reward or something, like they're the one that's amazing and you need to work for them. Nah uh, I have standards, f*** outta here with that superiority complex." You ARE amazing and a guy DOES need to work to be good enough for you, but show that in a more subtle way by demanding respect rather than telling them. Make sense? Source: iStock
Making Guys Jealous By Flirting With Other GuysThe wrong thing to do when dating? Trying to make the dude jealous by showing him all the other guys you can flirt or hook up with. User I_am_D_captain_Now says, "Playing two guys against each other thinking it will result in some romantic over the top gesture by one of them, when in reality it creates drama and a social cluster fuck." Life isn't a movie, guys! Source: iStock
Being Too ExtremeI'll let this user explain this on his own: User peanutsbeta says, "Most dating mistakes fall into one of two categories. Entitlement and desperation. The entitled girl believes that the guy should do all the work. And I'm not just talking about paying for the dates. I'm taking about carrying the conversation, ignoring her apparent disinterest to demonstrate that he's interested, making over-the-top, rom-com-worthy gestures, and conducting an inquisition that would make the Spanish drool just to find out enough about her to maybe like her. The desperate girl believes that they should do all the work. They fall in love to save the guy the trouble of having to woo her, do over-the-top, rom-com-worthy gestures that make most guys flee screaming into the night, and generally strike an unhealthy balance of clinginess and pushing the relationship forward instead of letting it grow at its own pace. "Obviously, those are the extremes, and there are sins in the middle too, but the best advice I've ever heard still rings true: be interesting and be interested. You don't have to obsess over every little detail of your dates' life, but if you don't ask follow up questions, you're going to seem checked out. Likewise if you give monosyllabic answers to everything your asked, you're going to seem checked out. Ask questions, even if they seem stupid. Tell stories, even if they seem stupid. And don't take yourself too seriously. If you're shy, be shy. Make a joke about how shy you are. If your brash, be brash. Make a joke about how brash you are. "Dating is just the first step in a relationship. Don't expect every date to lead somewhere. The reason you go on dates is to screen candidates for that. But do expect any date to lead somewhere. Keep an open mind. You never know who will surprise you." Source: iStock
Which mistake do you disagree with? Share in the comments.