9 Ways To Tell If Your Crush Is Flirting And Not Just Being Nice (According To Dudes)

If you’re interested in dudes, then you probably already know that, sometimes, it can be really hard to tell if they’re flirting with you or not. Some guys are just friendly and outgoing with naturally flirty personalities. So, you might notice them being slightly flirtatious with you, but then just as you start to think he’s into you, he… turns around and basically does the same thing to someone else. Or you might honestly just be hesitant to accept that the dude you like is into you too, and you want to be absolutely sure he’s not just being nice before you say something and make a fool of yourself. I feel that.

The biggest difference between flirting and friendliness is a frustrating one, because it’s so hard to put into words. It’s just a ~vibe,~ you know, a feeling that both of you get that makes things a little more sexually charged. If you’re not feeling that, it’s totally possible that he’s just being nice. But it’s also totally possible that you just aren’t picking up on that vibe. This has happened to me before – a very sweet guy I worked with a long time ago was always so nice to me. I assumed he was just acting like my friend, because he was nice to everyone, and then I found out later on that he liked me. Had I known that, I probably would have done something about it (by that I mean giggled more because I am terrible at flirting), but alas, the past is in the past.

Anyway, don’t feel like you’re in the dark! This recent Ask Reddit thread asked men the difference in their attitude when they’re being friendly towards a girl compared to when they’re trying to get her to date them. So, check out these ways to tell if a guy is flirting and not just being nice – they’ll help you out one day, I promise.

He Makes Inappropriate Jokes

If you're talking to a guy and he's joking around, maybe bringing up sexual stuff, there's a good chance he's attempting (badly) to flirt with you. User Little_Umbrella says, "When being flirty I make a lot of inappropriate jokes that ruin every possible chance. When I'm being nice I just talk about anything." Saying "anything" is pretty vague, but when a guy likes you, he usually wants to make you laugh - so if he's trying to do that, there's probably a reason.

Source: iStock

He Talks About Himself More

Another thing guys like to do in front of girls they're crushing on? Show off. If a guy seems to be bragging, he's probably trying to get your attention. User amusedlobster says, "openness. I'll share more about me and what I do if I like you. And I might or might not mention things that could impress you..."

Source: iStock

He Gives You More Attention Than Another Person There

In a group of people? Pay attention to how he acts towards you versus others. If he keeps coming back to you, even when the conversation switches, that's a good sign he's interested. User amusedlobsterMale says, "I'm a competent conversationalist, so I'll always ask questions and inquire about your interests. But if I'm really interested, I'll keep doing this rather than move on to another person."

Source: iStock

He Teases You More

You know that annoying idea that boys are only mean to you when they like you? Unfortunately, it has a certain amount of truth to it. Sometimes guys will lightly tease the girls they're crushing on - it should never be in a genuinely mean way, though, just a flirty way. User Coidzor says, "I don't tease nearly as much when I'm just being nice and friendly. I also don't use innuendo, wink gratuitously or cheesily, or attempt to break the touch barrier nearly as often when I'm not flirting. My physical compliments tend to be very conservative or sparing when it comes to a woman that I'm being nice to, whereas I will look for ways to compliment a woman I'm interested in, especially in a flirtatious or suggestive way."

Source: iStock

He Takes More Interest In What You Like

If you notice a guy asking you questions, and then continuing to talk about something you're interested in, that's a pretty good sign he's flirting. User Doc_Holliday8191 says, "I'm 26, but if I'm flirting I take a lot more interest in noticing things they do or stuff they mention and I'll further the conversations about those topics and do a little research on any of them (like if they enjoy hiking in a certain area or drinking at certain bars) and eventually try to initiate a hangout involving that activity. If I'm just being nice I will just talk and treat them the same way I treat guys minus discussing certain things I only discuss with guy friends."

Source: iStock

He Tries To Get You To Talk More

If he just wants to be friends, he probably won't be trying to keep up your side of the conversation. User Cereal-Hype says, "Friendly I just tend to carry on the conversation where as If I'm flirting I'll be more engaged in what she's saying and would encourage them to talk more. Flirting, I get them to talk more. Being nice I'll try keep the chat 50-50."

Source: iStock

He Goes Out Of His Way To Find You

If you feel like a guy is seeking you out - looking for you at a party or asking others where you are - he probably likes you. If he just thinks of you as a friend, he won't actively look for you! User Ld436b says, "More touching and teasing, theres a level of tension that doesn't exist when its just friendly. At a party ill find a reason to be near her and talk to her where as a girl I'm just being friendly with i wont seek out and its more just if we run into each other."

Source: iStock

He's Less Formal

A guy who's just being nice will probably have a slightly strained, polite conversation with you. A guy who's into you will show more personality. User rosacanina_ says, "Flirting is just more intense and emotional. Nice is more formal. Non verbal language and intonation matters I guess."

Source: iStock

He's MORE Nice

This is hard to explain, but basically, a guy who's flirting will be SUPER nice rather than just polite nice. User PhilareteMale says, "When I was 18-25, the only real difference was the level of intensity. I was very nice, but around girls I liked I'd dial that attention up to 11."

Source: iStock

Which one of these tips did you find the most helpful? Share in the comments.

You can follow the author, Jessica Booth, on Twitter or Instagram.


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