Like most people, (I assume) I spent a good portion of my pre-adolescent childhood consumed by a terror of what I felt it might be like the first time I saw a penis. (Oh, what’s that? I am the only person who has done this? I don’t believe it!) The concept of external genitalia, while fine in theory, seemed to be something that would be unpleasant at best and invasive and hideous at worst when seen in practice. There was no real reason for this–agitating myself over something that had not caused me any trauma, other than that which I can conjured up in my own mind–but, still, it was something that I found difficult to shake.
I did eventually overcome this fear, but I am not here today to discuss the process that helped me do so! I am here, instead, to address my real friends, the people who, to this day, are firmly (not flaccidly! Hahahahahaha!!) anti-penis. I found some studies on penises recently, and, if you are the type of person who feels a little skeeved out by the concept of a penis as a whole, well, these studies will justify your prejudice. So, check out these seriously freaky penis studies right here:
Penises Used To Have Literal SpinesLots of animals have a "spine" in their penis, which is usually composed of small barbs of keratin outside the organ. And, apparently, human males used to have these penis spines, too, up until about 700,000 years ago when the "penile spine enhancer" code disappeared from human genes shortly before our common ancestor split into modern humans and Neanderthals. Scientists aren't exactly sure why this happened (they call it an "impenetrable" mystery of evolution, hehe), but they know it brought about other evolutionary necessities like boosting brain sizes and stripping faces of sensory whiskers. What a trade-off! Image source: iStock
Playing Video Games Can Impact Penis PerformanceAccording to a study published this month in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, men who play video games tend to have lower sex drives and sexual performance than non-gamers. Researchers speculate that this is because avid gamers have excess stress added into their life from their video games, which, in turn, leads to a decline in their sex drive. The good news is that playing a video game here and there won't mess up penis performance--it takes what researchers call "chronic abuse" to lead to serious issues. Image source: iStock
Doctors Are Using Electric Shockwaves To Treat Erectile DysfunctionWhen you think of erectile dysfunction (that is, if you think of it at all), chances are good that the next thing you think of is something like Viagra to treat it. But, according to some researchers, erectile dysfunction drugs are old news--they are turning, instead, to electric shocks. According to Men's Health, this process involves attaching probes to the end of the penis to send energy from acoustic waves throughout the shaft. This , in theory, creates new blood vessels, which makes achieving an erection easier. Image source: iStock
They're Erect...A LotPeople with penises get a LOT of erections, apparently. According to Livescience, it's possible to have between three and five erections a night during the REM cycle of sleep. This, apparently, helps keep penises in "shape," since they tend to lose their elasticity if they are aren't erect enough. So, just think of nighttime erections as a penis workout? I guess? Image source: iStock
Penises Can BreakApparently, 200 Americans break their penis every year. This happens, in most cases, due to "violent intercourse," and often comes along with an audible snap (it happens to some people, apparently, when they fall out of bed while they have an erection). The good news? It can be healed! It just takes about six weeks of bed rest and a penis splint. Image source: iStock
Finger Size And Penis Size Is LinkedAccording to a study published in the Asian Journal of Andrology, if someone's index and middle finger are mismatched, they're more likely to have a bigger penis. Researchers weren't quite sure why this is, but, uh, if you ever feel like being a perv and figuring out how big someone's penis is without anyone knowing that you're a perv, just look at their fingers. Image source: iStock
Penises Can Be...LargeThe average penis size is 4.8 inches long. But the largest penis in the world, apparently, was 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches in circumference. This might not seem super large (or maybe it does? It definitely does) but, just for some perspective, the average vagina size is three to four inches deep. So. Image source: iStock
Something That You Might Think Is A Good-Luck Root Is Actually A Lizard PenisHere's, um, a wacky one. It was recently discovered that something called "Hatha Jodi," a root that looks like two praying hands and is thought to bring about good luck, is often just...a lizard penis. Basically, Hatha Jodi is real, but it only grows in certain areas of Nepal and India, so it's incredibly rare. So, when people sell this root, they usually tend to sell a fake version. A common substitute, apparently, is a desiccated monitor lizard penis. This is bad news not only because people are accidentally ingesting lizard penises, but also because monitor lizards are an endangered species. So, if you see a Hatha Jodi for sale on Amazon (where, in fact, some are for sale) don't buy it! It's probably a lizard dick. Image source: iStock
Were you surprised by any of these studies? Which ones? Let us know in the comments!