How Wet Should You Actually Be When You’re Having Sex?

Having sex is one of those things that, in general, most people tend to be pretty confused about. You probably know the logistics–penetration, thrusting, etc.–and you probably act like you know what you’re doing when you’re around people who are also pretending to know everything about sex. But when it comes to the, ahem, nuts and bolts of the whole thing (so to speak), you probably don’t know a whole lot. That’s fine! If there’s one thing that most people know across the board about having sex, however, it’s that, if you’re a girl and you want to feel comfortable during sex you have to be wet.

But, uh, that’s just about it. Chances are good that, yes, you know you should be wet when you’re having sex, but if you stop and think about it, you might not know what that entails, exactly. So. Let’s talk about it! Here’s how wet you need to be during sex, plus, all the info you’ll probably ever need on ~personal lubrication~. It’s all below:

So, what is being “wet,” anyway?

“Wet” is a term for the lubrication that occurs in your vagina when you become aroused. Your vagina is probably always a little, um, moist (sorry), but when you’re aroused, blood flow to the vagina, vulva, and clitoris increases, which causes a type of swelling down there called “vasocongestion.” This also causes a “sweating reaction” that creates lubrication from this swelling. So this, basically, is why your vagina might feel like it’s throbbing a little bit when you’re becoming aroused.


Why do I need to be wet?

From a biological standpoint, it just makes things easier to get in there. Without lubrication, sex would cause friction, irritation, pain, and possible bleeding during sex. Being wet makes sex more enjoyable–plus, it’s a good indicator that you’re ready for sex.


How wet should I be?

There’s no standard amount of wetness that any one person should have during sex. What you need to focus on, instead, is how you feel. Do you feel aroused? Did you spend time on foreplay? If so, and you you touch the outside of your labia and it feels slick, chances are good that you’re ready.


Is it ever possible to be too wet?

This is a question that a lot of people have. This is probably because natural lubrication can sometimes feel like a lot of vaginal discharge, which you probably don’t want your partner getting all up in. But don’t worry! Being wet is essential for comfortable sex (both for you and your partner), so you don’t need to worry about being too wet. If you’re so wet that your partner’s penis is slipping out of your vagina, make sure you’re using a condom. (Which you should be doing anyway.) This adds some extra friction that can help it from sliding around too much.


Is being wet the same thing as squirting?

Nope! There actually isn’t a ton of research on squirting, AKA female ejaculation. But it is believed that ejactualtion comes from the Skene’s glands, located in a woman’s urethra, which produce a liquid made of prostatic acid phosphatase (a chemical secreted by the prostate gland and found in semen), glucose, and fructose. This is different from the moisture that comes from arousal.


What can I do if sex still isn’t comfortable for me, even if I am wet?

There’s a lot you can do! First of all, you need to make sure you’re actually spending some time on foreplay, even if you feel like you’re wet from the start. Most vaginas are only about three or four inches deep normally, but it can actually expand a lot due to arousal. (It returns back to its normal size after sex, FYI, so you don’t have to worry about becoming so aroused one time that you end up having a cavernous vagina for the rest of your life.) So, you need to take some time to make sure that your vagina is prepared for sex in ways other than being wet.

It’s also possible that some medications or harsh chemicals in a soap or detergent you’re using are interfering with your natural lubrication. So, if you feel like you started feeling less wet after using a certain type of medication or soap, talk to your doctor and/or switch up your personal hygiene routine.

Still not sure what’s going on? There’s absolutely no shame in getting a personal lubricant. Look for one that’s silicone or water-based and apply a small amount to the tip of your partner’s penis before sex. No matter how wet you are to begin with, this will make sex a lot more comfortable for you.


Do you have any other lubrication questions? Sex questions in general? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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