So, let’s say you’ve been ghosted. It’s happened to us all! You’re talking to someone who you might like a little or a medium amount or a lot, and, suddenly, they just…disappear. You know they didn’t just miss a message or forget to respond because you’ve followed up, and, still. Nothing. They’ve ghosted you.
Now, if you ask a mature, trustworthy person for some help with this matter, they will most likely tell you to not do one single thing about it. Ghosting, they will tell you, is a sign that someone is selfish and inconsiderate and, on the whole, totally unworthy of your time. Because of this, you really shouldn’t say anything to them, as doing so would be dignifying their existence with attention they do not deserve to receive.
And, for what it is worth, this is true and good advice. They don’t deserve you! You don’t need to text them anything! Leave them be and move on with your own damn life! But it does not, however, feel particularly satisfying to do this. It is much more gratifying to imagine crafting the perfect text that will make them realize that they have wronged you so much that they show up to a party at a mutual friend’s house and beg for your forgiveness so you can say, to their face, “Actually? I’ve moved on,” which means that you will have effectively ghosted them IRL. Or something. I don’t know.
Anyway, here are some suggestions on what to say (or to imagine saying) to someone if they ghost you and you feel like being a little petty:
1. “Did you die?”
3. “Babe, did you pick up raw chicken cutlets for the (private, lol) plane?”
4. “Ah, so sorry! That was for my new lover, not you!!!!”
5. “She’s a DJ/Vlogger/Fit Tea model/midwife’s assistant who also comes from a family of great personal wealth.”
6. “Hey, you watch anything good on the Game Show Network recently?”
7. “Remember when you weren’t such a little bitch?”
To paraphrase Zayn in his iconic feud with Louis Tomlinson (ft. “Naughty Boy”).
8. Just this picture of Max, the titular character from the children’s series Max and Ruby, when you know he’s getting into some Big Mischief:
9. Also, this picture:
10. And this one:
11. And a picture of a test from last semester on which you happened to get an excellent grade:
12. “Oops!! Sorry!! Didn’t mean to send you that picture of the paper where my teacher said my analysis of Edgar Allen Poe’s work was ‘brilliant.'”
13. “Did you see I got a 98 on it?”
14. Request to add them to your LinkedIn network:
15. “Do you ever wake up with the words ‘ulcerative colitis'” stuck in your head?”
16. “No, really. Are you dead?”
Have you ever been ghosted? Do you have any suggestions as to what to say? Let us know in the comments!