8 Things Guys Don’t Actually Want (Even If You Think They Do)

There are a lot of articles in the world that claim to know what men want in the dating world (I cannot be a hypocrite, we do this at Gurl too). While these can be useful if you’re trying to learn how to flirt or decode your crush’s behavior, they are never totally accurate. That’s because guys aren’t all the same. They are not robots in the dating world who are all looking for the same girl, the same kind of relationship, and the same future. It’s easy to forget that, but it’s so important to remember. Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that dudes don’t always want all of the stereotypical things we think they want.

That’s why this thread is so helpful – in an Ask Reddit thread, men were asked the question, “What statements about ‘what men really want’ are you tired of hearing?” The answers were an interesting take down of all of things women are constantly being told about men. Of course, it’s important to remember here, too, all men aren’t the same. So, what one guy says he doesn’t want could be something another guy does want! Is this confusing you? Me too a little. The main thing is this: remember that all dudes don’t want the same thing, that all the advice you read about them is sometimes incorrect, and that the most important thing is to get to know someone and then figure things out from there. Okay? That said, here are some things (most) men actually don’t want when it comes to dating.

Playing Hard To Get

Despite the fact that everyone likes to talk about how much men love the chase, it's... not really true. I've seen this stated so many times in Reddit threads and in actual conversations with guys. They don't love having to chase a girl all over the place to get her attention. User _hephaestus says, "I don't really hear a lot of people saying "what men really want" often. But I do hear "guys like the chase" every now and then and I despise the chase. I will stop showing you the slightest attention if there's no reciprocity."

Here's the thing: guys don't usually like it if you're needy or demand too much attention, but they also don't like it when you act like you don't care at all... which can be said for girls too! You have to find a balance of showing that you're interested without acting like you can't survive without them.

Source: iStock

A Girlfriend To Take Care Of Them

I can't tell you how many times I've heard other women say things like, "Men want someone to take care of them." I've actually heard women say, "Guys want to date someone who can act like a mother to them." Ummm?????? This is not true and also not fair to dudes! I mean, yeah, I'm sure there are some guys out there who are looking for a partner who will do everything for them, but that's not always the case. User kittenlover27Male says, "We want someone to take care of us, someone like a mother. I keep my apartment clean, I take care of my plants, I pay my bills, I meal prep and make all my food, I wash my clothes and iron. Im a f****** adult."

Everyone wants a partner who is willing to help out, do little things for them, and be supportive. But assuming every guy wants a girl to do all of their chores and cook all of their food is condescending and insulting.

Source: iStock

Big Boobs and A Big Butt

I'm personally so sick of people acting like guys only want one type of body - it's not true at all. User Clean-Cut-Kid85Male says he's sick of the phrase, "'Some men may say that they like small breasts or small butts, but what men really want are big tits and big ass.' No! Some of us do, some of us don't. Women, accept that we all have different tastes and don't fill in for us what we find attractive." Exactly. Some guys are really into big boobs, some only like small boobs. Some guys have no preference. It's always different!

Source: iStock

Tools, Sports, Whiskey

The stereotype that all dudes love tools, cars, sports, whiskey, guns, etc. is just that... a stereotype. Guys don't all like the same things. There are plenty of dudes out there who love to shop, buy clothes, drink "girly" drinks, indulge in some skincare. User jeff_the_nurse says he's sick of hearing, "'Men really want tools and whiskey.' I want neither, thank you. Get me a nice shirt and a Cosmopolitan."

Source: iStock

A Girlfriend Who Will Listen

One piece of really old-fashioned dating advice is that men want a girlfriend who will sit back, do what she's told, and stay quiet. Uh, it isn't 1920 anymore guys. User poopbutt2012 says he's sick of hearing, "That all men want a domestic, submissive, infinitely polite wife. F*** no. If I'm marrying someone, I want to marry an adult. Not someone who defers to me on everything. If I f*** something up? I have enough cajones that you can hold me accountable for it. There's also something undeniably appealing about women who aren't afraid to not be super into uptight manners. Cuss like a sailor and you'll have my heart. I don't like doormats." Just be you, girl! Guys like it.

Source: iStock

To Make The First Move

I know we say this all the time, but seriously: consider making the first move. Dudes are sick of doing it, and they DO like being approached by women. User Panacea4316 says he's sick of hearing, "'Men always want to make the first move.' How about your goofy ass be a bit confident/assertive and make a move."

Source: iStock

Curvy Girls

Okay, this one is a tiny bit confusing, so let's let this user explain. User pfcgosMale says he's sick of hearing, "'Men want a woman with curves, bones are for dogs. It's not so much the phrase itself. I'll agree that I don't really want an extremely underweight woman. My problem is that it is often used to deride thin women or fit women, or to justify a woman being extremely overweight. You rarely see a fit woman talking about how men want a woman with 'meat on her bones.' It seems to usually come from a very overweight or obese woman."

Source: iStock

Just Sex

I know it seems like some guys are only interested in hooking up, but this isn't always true. Yes, there are some dudes out there who don't want serious relationships and just want sex. But not every guy is like that! User Panacea4316 says, "'All men want is sex.' No. If all I wanted was sex I'd hire a hooker because it's cheaper and easier."

Source: iStock

Which one of these things surprised you the most? What did we forget to add? Share in the comments.

You can follow the author, Jessica Booth, on Twitter or Instagram.


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  • eyeamnicegirl

    That’s true. You have to give the guy something to work with. Smile at him, tell him you won’t go to the party with him, but he can come buy to talk sometime . . . give him something to let him know you aren’t just ditching him.