Ask A Guy: How To Tell If A Guy Is Serious If He Says He Likes You

Hey Joel,

There is this guy who I’ve liked since third grade. (We are now in 8th grade going to 9th.) He basically treats me like a friend, but recently he told me he’s liked me for a long time and wants to know if I would go out with him. I asked him what that means he said he “doesn’t know.” It’s been a few weeks and we haven’t discussed it. Do you think he’s messing with me? He’s back to the whole friend thing and is hitting on other girls in front of me. Should I talk to him about it or leave it?


The middle and high school years can be confusing, but they can also be the best years of your life. You and many people around you are trying to figure themselves out, as well as what they like in others. This can lead to tons of mixed signals and awkward situations, but if you can be straightforward with your wants, you’ll find lots of great relationships in your future.

To be honest, I doubt he was messing with you or pretending that he liked you. My money says he was being serious, and may have gotten a bit nervous because (perhaps unintentionally), you didn’t give him a strong response at the time. He may have felt awkward in the moment, and since has been embarrassed to bring it up again.

If this is the case, then his hitting on girls in front of you is likely just a defense mechanism to battle against his own embarrassment. He also may like more than one person, and may be dealing with low levels of self-confidence. Is this immature? Yes, but all of these things are totally natural at this point in life, so don’t think it is a red flag or a reason to avoid dating him.

You also need to consider the friendship itself, as it will drastically change if you two decide to take things to the next level. Once you have a new level of intimacy between you two, there is no way to undo that or roll things back. If things don’t work out in a relationship, there’s a very good chance the friendship will end as well.

If you’re into this guy, there’s no reason not to bring it up again. The next time the two of you are hanging out, let him know that you have feelings for him as well, and see if he wants to give things a shot. There are few things in life more frustrating than regret, so go for it now, or you’ll never know what might have been!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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