I don’t really know what to do about this issue with my boyfriend. He’s the sweet thing when he wants to be, but other times he really knows how to piss me off. He never wants to do what I want to do, all he wants to do is sit around and play video games all day. Then he gets mad when I ask if we can do anything or go out! He never has any money because he hates his job and ignores his boss when he calls so he doesn’t have to go in when he isn’t scheduled, and also because he spends all of his money on stupid things like Nintendo products.
He never wants to go on dates with me because he hates going outside because he says he’s allergic to bees even though he’s never been tested or even been stung. And every time I ask, he gets pissed off because he says he doesn’t have money and I should respect that. I understand that but he wouldn’t have that problem if he didn’t buy stuff all the time. The last time we actually went out just the two of us was… maybe a couple of months ago, and we just did what he wanted to do. I’ve been dealing with this for a year now and I don’t know what to do. I would greatly appreciate your advice.
Okay, uh… lots to unpack here. It sounds like your boyfriend isn’t just uninterested in going out – he’s also uninterested in doing anything you want to do. And it would be one thing if he just, like, didn’t enjoy being social and was more of a homebody, but sometimes made the sacrifice for you. But he’s not. He’s just… continuing to do only what he wants to do, and then getting mad at you when you expect him to, you know, act like a boyfriend. So, I definitely don’t blame you for feeling frustrated.
I don’t know how old you guys are, but I do want to point out that his behavior is fairly normal for a young teenage guy – if he is, in fact, a young teenage boy (if he’s not, we have a much, much larger problem here). A lot of teen boys fit one of two categories: either very hyper, active, and social or very lazy, moody, and miserable about doing anything other than playing video games. It sounds like your boyfriend falls in the second category. This doesn’t mean he should be treating you the way he is, though. He’s allowed to want to just play video games and blow his money on meaningless products. But as your boyfriend, he should be contributing a little more to the relationship.
It sounds like you’ve tried to talk to him, and it’s gotten you nowhere. He’s acting selfish, and he seems pretty convinced he can do whatever he wants here. So, here’s my advice: the next time he declines the opportunity to go out, do your own thing. Call up your friends and make plans with them to get dinner or see a movie or do something. Yes, it means you won’t see him, but what would you rather do: sit next to him as he plays video games, or have fun with friends?
After a while, he might start to get fed up with you not hanging around him as he does whatever he wants to do. If that happens, tell him he’s always invited out. Seeing you doing your own thing and having fun without him might spook him enough to start changing his ways. He might start coming out with you, or taking you out so that he gets to see you. In this case, actions speak a lot louder than words. You can keep saying you’re fed up to him, but after a year of hearing it and still getting away with his behavior, he probably doesn’t believe you’ll do anything major.
If this does absolutely nothing, then you might want to accept the fact that this dude has no current interest in doing anything that doesn’t involve Nintendo, and so you might want to think about what YOU want. You don’t have to stay tied to him. You can break up with him and do your own thing and maybe eventually find someone who likes to go out on dates more. And you should absolutely do that if he isn’t willing to compromise with you. Relationships are built on compromise. If he can’t take you out sometimes, then he’s not doing his part – and that is not okay.
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