Ask A Guy: How To Get Your BF To Tell You He Loves You

Hey Joel,

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for about six months. He was a virgin when we first started talking, and he isn’t now, but I was his first time. I’m his first girlfriend, too. But my problem is that he hasn’t said “I love you” yet. He said it one time in his sleep and I think he remembers, although he’s never mentioned it since then. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna say it first because I am a pure romantic and I think it’ll be amazing when/if he does. What should I do?


The entire notion of saying those three words has, in many ways, been blown WAY out of proportion over the last few decades. I’m not saying it isn’t important (it totally is), but so many unspoken “rules” have popped up, that it often causes more harm than good.

I completely understand why you want him to say I love you first, but there comes a point where you’re just playing games and almost forcing the issue. If you feel something, you should say it. If he doesn’t return the gesture, then that in itself is the issue. While I get you wanting him to say it first, it could leave you waiting for a very long time, and eventually lead to bad feelings or spite towards him.

There is nothing at all wrong with you saying “I love you” first. It doesn’t mean you love him more or that he had some power advantage over you. It only means you said it first – nothing more. Again, ask yourself if you’re scared of him not responding

Also, be careful not to build up some fantasy in your mind about how magical or romantic this moment MIGHT be. If you have a bunch of hype around it, and then it doesn’t go exactly as planned, that could lead to a bit of a let down. Furthermore, with so much tension and expectation built around this single moment, I’m not sure if it could EVER live up to the expectations you’re setting.

Let it happen naturally, and live in the moment. If you love him, tell him. The more you fixate and focus on this one element of the relationship, the more you are unconsciously letting other elements slip by. Either this guy is in or he’s not, and the longer you want for him to make this first move, you’re only hurting yourself, and potentially the relationship.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

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