Is It Bad If You Don’t Bleed The First Time You Have Sex?

Hi Heather,

I need some help with some questions. I was a virgin until a few days ago when I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. To my surprise, I didn’t experience a lot of pain and I also didn’t see any blood down there, so I was wondering, um, what’s wrong? Wasn’t I supposed to see some blood since it was my first time? I didn’t even get that aroused… I don’t know even know if I had an orgasm. Is something wrong with me?

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One of the most harmful virginity myths out there is that you have to bleed the first time you have sex. Men and women alike believe that when you lose your virginity, your hymen breaks for the first time, resulting in some (or a lot of) blood down there. If this doesn’t happen, it’s assumed that you either aren’t a virgin, or that maybe you didn’t even really have sex. Neither of these things are true – there is nothing wrong with you if you don’t bleed during your first time. 

I don’t know why we’re taught that our hymen has to break when we lose our virginity. It doesn’t! It can actually break in other ways, like if you get injured, or you play some sort of sport. That’s the main reason some girls don’t notice blood down there the first time they do it – it’s already happened, and you didn’t even realize it.

There’s also the possibility that it did break, and it bled such a small amount that you didn’t even notice it. There’s this misconception that when your hymen breaks, there’s a lot of blood, and again, I don’t know why it exists. It’s typically just a small amount, and can be so small that it goes unnoticeable. So no, I don’t think there is anything wrong because you didn’t bleed.

As for the lack of pain, that’s great! Another virginity myth is that a lot of pain is always involved, and that isn’t true either. Sometimes it hurts really badly, sometimes it doesn’t hurt at all. If you’re one of the people who experiences very little to no pain at all, that’s good news for you.

Unfortunately, it’s way too normal for women to have sex for the first time and not orgasm, and even to barely feel any pleasure at all. Penetrative sex is something many women have to practice before they can figure out what works for them. Many women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, and it can be tough to get that when having intercourse. Try different things, incorporate a lot of foreplay, and try touching yourself while it’s happening. You have to figure out what works for you in order to get it right, but it can take some time.

All in all, I can pretty confidently say there’s nothing wrong with you. Your first time sounds pretty standard, actually. And if you’re thinking it was a disappointment? Well, unfortunately, you are not alone – a lot of other women would agree.

Good luck!
Heather

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