Why Can’t I Orgasm From Stimulating My Clitoris?

Hi Heather,

I have a healthy sex life and I’ve had quite a few partners (I always practice safe sex and I have been tested!). I love hooking up, but I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse (although I feel bad about it so I always fake it to satisfy my partners). I can only reach orgasm if I use a sex toy that reaches my g-spot. I’ve tried numerous times to use a vibrator to stimulate my clitoris, and it doesn’t work. In fact, getting my g-spot is the only way I can orgasm. Is this normal? Why can’t I orgasm from my clitoris stimulation? I desperately want to fix this, so what can I do differently?

giphy

I can see why you’re feeling lost about this – if you were to Google why you can’t have an orgasm during intercourse, you would see a lot of advice about how that’s normal, because normally women orgasm from clitoral stimulation. Except, in your case, this is only half true. However, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you! Just because it’s more common to orgasm from clitoral stimulation doesn’t mean it’s the only way to have an orgasm. Female sexuality is complex and under-researched, and everyone is not the same.

If you’ve found that you can orgasm from stimulating your G-spot, that’s great – and also not super common. A lot of women can’t even figure out where their G-spot is, if they know what it is, and they desperately want to find it. Plus, it’s good that you’re not living an orgasm-less life, because that would be a major bummer. But, I can still get your frustration about not being able to orgasm from intercourse. The majority of women out there experience this, and it can be really disappointing. Here are some tips for what you can do:

  1. Try to mimic your G-spot orgasm techniques while having sex. I have no idea what sex toy you’re using or what you’re doing when you get yourself to orgasm by stimulating your G-spot, but take those and try to do them with your partner. You should even feel free to bring that sex toy in the bedroom with someone else and do it yourself as foreplay (or after sex). Your partner more than likely won’t be freaked out or offended – they want to see you orgasm, and watching you do it yourself will probably be a huge turn-on for them.
  2. Experiment a little more. Try different things with partners or with yourself when masturbating. Touch yourself differently down there, touch different spots, try new sex toys, etc. Be more open and experiment more to find out if there are any other spots that feel really good. You might just need to explore!
  3. Stop focusing on your clitoris so much. It’s honestly not an issue that you can’t orgasm from clitoral stimulation. If that’s the case, then stop focusing on it! Don’t try to make it work if it isn’t working, don’t obsess over it, and don’t pretend it actually does work. Focus on what DOES feel good, since that’s the whole point of sex.

As for the faking it bit? I get it – and a lot of other females do too. I understand why you’re doing it (to please your partner), but girl, it’s not a great idea. Try to find what works for you instead of pretending other things do just to make your partner happy. You’ll enjoy yourself a lot more!

Oh, and about the orgasming during intercourse question. Can you make it happen? Maybe, but I wouldn’t focus on it too much. Some women just can’t get it to work, even when they try different positions and tips. Again, you can try mimicking whatever you do with your sex toy with a penis, and you can try experimenting, but I wouldn’t make it your number one priority.

Good luck!
Heather

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