If you live in a place that typically has a hot summer, you might be itching to get to the beach soon. I don’t blame you! Around this time of year, it gets hot and sticky, and the only thing you want to do is neglect every responsibility you’ve ever had and jump into the ocean (we’ve all been there, I get it). You spend your entire year waiting for the weather to get warm enough so that you can strip down and rock a cute bikini. But, of course, you need to WORK in order to earn your bikini body, right? Right. Duh. But how?
You can’t just throw on a bikini like some sort of basic, bathing suit-wearing person, right? Of course not. It’s okay! There is still a little bit of time before summer, so I am going to tell you the signs that you are actually, 100 percent beach body ready. I know, it’s stressful, but it’s going to be okay. So, in case you were wondering, these are the only definite, foolproof ways to tell that you are beach body ready.
1. You are beach body ready if you are an actual dog:
Getting that beach body ready pic.twitter.com/OQVebgBuFQ
— Gaml .y (@m_yosry2012) May 18, 2017
2. Also, you can only be beach ready if you have a man to lay on, no matter how hot and sweaty you both might be
How I wanna be this Summer 17′ 😩 pic.twitter.com/soetOzsRKS
— Key’Andra. ✨ (@KeeyaanX) May 6, 2017
3. Or if you’re wearing Crocs:
my summer body goals pic.twitter.com/rauHinxF8s
— ricardojkay (@ricardojkay) May 8, 2017
4. You’re ready to wear a bikini if you are LITERALLY as hard as rocks. Literally.
Gotta get my rock hard beach body ready for the summer~~ 🌴🌺🌊☀️ pic.twitter.com/okwG8rvnSA
— Marguerite Bennett (@EvilMarguerite) May 13, 2017
5. Only TRUE beach fans know how to build a boat:
How To Get A Beach Body:
-learn how to build a boat
-so when climate change
-destroys the earth
-maybe u will survive
— mary boo anderson (@whoismaryboo) May 12, 2017
6. Oh, I almost forgot, you also need to be one of the guys from Avatar:
Summer body goal. pic.twitter.com/lRBOMcyHFt
— grapey (@Soppphhh) May 7, 2017
7. You can also, obviously, only wear a matching Calvin Klein Bikini Set:
How I plan to look for summer vs. How it’s looking rn pic.twitter.com/gy0WvTUQJ2
— Common Girl (@FIirtationship) April 20, 2017
8. You need to prep your linens, too:
Get your beach body ready. Wrap it in the finest linens. Adorn it with rings and precious stones. Prepare its flesh. The beach gods hunger.
— Witch Hazel 🐐 (@HazelMonforton) May 9, 2017
9. Who says the beach body has to be your own?
“It’s never too late to get the beach body you want,” I say, pulling a fresh corpse out of the ocean
— Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) May 15, 2017
10. These are all important tips to be truly prepared:
— Claire Rudy Foster (@claire_rudy) May 11, 2017
11. You can’t forget to pick up your body on the way home, though:
Get your beach body today! Seriously, it’s been on the beach for days. Sunbathers are complaining.
— Geeky Steven (@geekysteven) August 12, 2015
12. Also, relatable:
Society: you might wanna get summer body ready
Me: yUo mIGHt waNnA gEt suMMeR b0dY rEAdy pic.twitter.com/Ym3dKtvNvH
— |IB (@mynamesireanna) May 9, 2017
13. Oh, I forgot to mention, you also need to know how to work in construction before you can be beach body ready:
beach body ready 😜😜😜 pic.twitter.com/8nC8V1ahil
— Gurl (@GurlDotCom) May 18, 2017
14. But, in all seriousness, all you need to be beach body is……a body:
THE BEACH GONNA GET WHATEVER BODY I GIVE IT pic.twitter.com/NSOxVqm2iT
— Rachel (@rachelPLZdotcom) May 9, 2017
15. You will look FAB…so eat whatever the F you want:
Them: You getting that beach body ready!?
— Highly Questionable (@HQonESPN) May 17, 2017
(Okay but seriously: the idea of a beach body is ridiculous and needs to end. If you have a body and want to go to the beach: GO FOR IT. But still, check out these funny tweets about what a “beach body” really is)
Are you beach body ready? Tell us in the comments!