So one night I went out for my friend’s birthday and then we all ended up at an after party. I ended up hanging out with this guy I met at the party. We talked for hours, then ended up in a bed together. We started kissing and one thing led to another, and we had sex. It was unreal and he was amazing! I left in the morning thinking he was so beautiful and charming and I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he made me feel. I told my friend that day, and she told me that he actually has a girlfriend. I figured I wouldn’t hear from him again, but then ended up bumping into him a week later. We flirted all night and he asked me to go home with him, and I did. It was amazing, and he makes me feel so good and happy. When I left, he didn’t ask for my number and I haven’t heard from him. Is he using me just to cheat on his girlfriend? How do I know if he is or if something might come of this?
The fact that this guy is hooking up with you even when he has a girlfriend is a really crappy move. And the fact that he hasn’t told you that he’s in a relationship makes things even worse. To be honest, I’m surprised that you’re hanging out with him and that you even care whether he’s using you or not – he doesn’t sound like a great guy, and you’re better off meeting someone else!
That said, I know that when you like someone, advice like that doesn’t tend to work. So, I’ll be blunt with you: yes, it kind of sounds like he’s just using you to cheat on his girlfriend. Of course, I don’t know the whole story, but from the bare details, things don’t sound good. Warnings signs: He hasn’t shown interest in doing anything except hooking up, he didn’t ask for your number or offer his, he hasn’t been honest about the fact that he isn’t single, and he hooked up with you right away. There’s nothing wrong with moving fast when it comes to sex, but that move combined with everything else he did isn’t ideal.
If this guy was interested in more than just hooking up when his girlfriend isn’t around, he would have at least tried to stay in touch with you by exchanging numbers. He would have offered to take you on a date instead of just taking you home after a night out. And he would probably mention his girlfriend or break things off with her! Things aren’t looking great.
I’m sure he is really charming and wonderful to talk to. Guys who do stuff like this usually know exactly what to say and how to act to get what they want. And the fact that he’s doing this doesn’t say something bad about you – it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it means he’s not mature enough to respect not only his relationship and girlfriend, but also you. I don’t want to sound like your mom or anything, but you deserve better than this!
Don’t stick around waiting to run into him again. He’s not worth your time, even if he makes you feel amazing. On top of that, you do need to think about his girlfriend. Sure, he’s wrong for cheating, but it’s wrong of you for continuing to be with him even while you know he’s already dating someone. Think about how you would feel in her position. This isn’t something you need to beat yourself up for, but it is a situation you need to get out of now, before you really start falling for him. Trust me: he will not be able to give you what you need or what you’re looking for.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org