My boyfriend likes rough sex and I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t get what he wants me to do. I’m open to experimenting but I don’t want things to get too crazy. How do I achieve what he likes?
It’s great that you want to experiment, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling a little intimidated by rough sex. After all, that term can mean a lot of things. The first thing you need to do before anything else is figure out what kind of rough sex your boyfriend is into, which means that you need to have an honest communication about it. Talking about this type of thing can feel awkward, but to be honest, if you can’t discuss it, then you probably shouldn’t be having sex. Just saying.
Anyway, get a better idea of what your boyfriend wants. Is he into BDSM type of stuff? Does he want to incorporate sex toys like hand cuffs or wax? Is a safe word required? Does he just want to do some light rough play? You don’t need to sit him down and ask 20 questions, but just ask what he’s looking for, what turns him on, and what he’s interested in trying. It’s better to have an idea of what you’re going into so that you can figure out what you’re comfortable with before just trying it. This is especially true for rough sex, which can easily make someone feel uncomfortable, and of course, can lead to actual pain.
Once you know what he wants, you can start experimenting together. Just be honest and say you’re feeling a little nervous and you want to take things slow. There’s nothing wrong with that! If he gives you a problem about it, then honestly, that’s a douche move. Try what you’re comfortable trying, say no when you feel like you’re not into something, and talk things out. Communication is so important here!
You should also lay out some boundaries if you want to be really clear with him. Figure out what you don’t want, and tell him that. Again, as your boyfriend, he should hopefully respect your wishes. It’s so important to speak up during rough sex, because again, there is always the possibility of actually getting hurt or having a sort of traumatic experience.
Basically, treat this like any new sex move or tip – take it slow, do what feels right, say no when you feel weird, and have an open mind while still knowing what you’re not into. It should be fun, not a chore, so if you find that rough sex really doesn’t do it for you, you have to say that. Sex should be fun and enjoyable for both of you, not just one of you. If you don’t like this stuff, you absolutely do not have to keep doing it just to keep him happy. You guys can figure something else, I’m sure!
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