7 Things You Think Are Weird About Your Boobs, But Aren’t

I think everyone with boobs at some point (or several points) is convinced that there’s something funky going on with them. We have a very specific idea of what a boob is supposed to look like thanks to media, clinical diagrams in health books, and porn you accidentally stumbled upon when you were little: They’re full, round, pert, nipples that stick out a lil’ bit, the end. So when we notice that our boobs don’t quite match up–they’re droopy, your nipples have little hairs around ’em, etc–we’re convinced that something isn’t quite right. Some of us get paranoid that we’re freaks, some of us fear that we’ve just gotten a raw end of the deal. But the truth is this: Boobs come in all different shapes and sizes, and unless one of your boobs ejects pus while the other is, in fact, a full grown shiba inu…your boobies aren’t abnormal oddities.

I get it, this can come across as a vapid call for body positivity instead of straight up fact. So in case you need more reassurance, please read these seven things you think are weird about your boobs, but aren’t. Do this before you start to straight up special snowflake your titties.


Inverted Nipples

Most nipples protrude out from the body, but some people have inverted nipples, which turn inward toward the body. If you have inverted nipples, you might have angst over how odd they must be. Well, if it makes you feel any better, about 20 percent of people have inverted nipples, so it's really not all that rare at all. Chances are, someone--your crush, someone in your English class, a coworker--has inverted nipples, so you're standing together in secret solidarity.

Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging

Saggy Boobs, Even Though You're Not Old Yet

As a kid I remember there were pencil tests to determine how big your boobs were. The more pencils you can snuggly fit under a titty, the bigger your boobs were. This was also, inadvertently, a test as to how saggy your boobs were. Unfortunately, there's this notion that your boobs only get droopy when you're an old lady. The truth is that they can stop fighting gravity as early as your teens. So if your boobs aren't super effing perky, don't assume that you're some weirdo with weird tits, and don't buy into any weird all natural remedies that claim to solve the problem. It just happens, it's a part of getting older, embrace it.

The Slums of Beverly Hills

Bumps Around Your Nips

If you've noticed that there are a few bumps along your areolae, don't panic. And don't squeeze them either, because they're not zits! They're called Montgomery’s glands, sebaceous glands that might not really serve much purpose beyond potentially helping guide infants to the nipple when they're breastfeeding. Either way, they're chill, so let them live.

Austin Powers

Uneven Boobs

Not only are uneven boobs not-so-weird, they're actually the norm. Very few people have totally symetrical boobs, and over half of women have a larger left boob than right. Additionally, it's not uncommon for one breast to be up to 20 percent larger than the other. While severe cases can mean awkward bra fittings and nervousness during swimsuit season, if it's any consolation, most people won't be able to notice.

Mean Girls

Hairy Nipples

When you're learning about puberty, nobody ever thinks it's relevant to mention that in addition to growing a forest of pubes and underarm hair, the area around your nipples sprouts hair too. I think this knowledge would save a lot of people from feeling like freaks of nature because they have hair on their boobs. Listen up: Almost everyone has hair around your nipples, not just you. People just don't really talk about it, and you sure as hell won't see it in a porno. Pluck them away if you want, but believe me, it's okay to leave them as is too. Oh, heads up: Any romantic partner who has a problem with you daring to have a damn hair on your boob is too immature to see your boobs in the first place.

YouTube/Vevo

Lumpy Boobs

Anyone with boobs has been conditioned to be fearful if they ever feel a lump in their breast because that lump could potentially be cancerous. But if you ever feel a lump in your boob--either during casual boobie prodding or a self-exam--don't immediately assume the worst. You can have a lump in your breast without having breast cancer. In fact, changes in breast texture are pretty common due to hormones and general changes to breast tissue over time. You can also have harmless cysts which can disappear on their own. You should, however, talk to a doctor if any lumps and bumps cause pain. And even if your lumpy boobs aren't causing you pain but you're paranoid AF nevertheless, just mention it to your doctor during your next check up. Trust, you're not the first person to talk to them about a lumpy titty.

Broad City

Big Nipples

To be totally candid, my areolae aren't exactly teeny tiny. In fact, they're kind of big. If yours are too, please, know that you're not alone! Some people just have bigger areolae than others, period. In fact, there's no standard nipple size, so you're good, dude. And if anyone you're ever getting naked with has something snide to say about them, they suck and aren't worthy of being anywhere near you. Kick 'em to the curb.

Bring It On

Did you ever think your boobs look weird AF? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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