What To Do If You Think Your Boyfriend Is About To Break Up With You

Hi Heather,

What should I do if I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me? We’ve been together for over a year, but for the last few weeks, we’ve been constantly arguing. He says he’s having doubts and that he can’t go on like this and has become more distant. He doesn’t answer all of my texts and cancels on plans sometimes and he’s been hanging out with his friends more. I’m freaked out and I don’t want to lose him. Please help.


I totally get what you’re feeling right now. Realizing your relationship might be over is really terrifying and heartbreaking – especially when you’re in that moment where you know it’s going to end soon, but it hasn’t happened yet, and you’re just waiting. It sucks, and I don’t blame you for helping upset and desperate to fix things. And, yeah, it might be possible to turn things around, but… this also might be ending for real.

You have two options here: you can try to patch things up, or you can let the relationship run its course. Give yourself a few days to clear your mind and really think about what you want. It’s not uncommon to hold onto a relationship even if it isn’t a good one because it’s what you’re used to. People do it all the time. You need to really think about if you want things to keep going, or if they need to end.

If you’re not ready to let go, then you have to try and work things out, and it sounds like that’s what you want to do. Here’s what you absolutely should not do:

  • Try to pull him closer. Trying to hold onto him with all of your power is only going to push him further away – I promise. I know that your instincts might be telling you to do that, but don’t. Pushing yourself on him won’t help, it will only hurt.
  • Pretending it’s not happening. On the flip side, you can’t act like things are fine and as long as you don’t bring it up, nothing will actually happen. This strategy will also backfire.

Basically, you need to find a middle ground, and you can do that by talking to him openly and honestly. Let him know you feel like he’s distancing himself and you’re worried he’s going to end things. Tell him how you feel and that you don’t feel ready to break up. Ask if there’s anything you guys can do, anything you can try to work on to patch things up. Maybe he feels like you want to end things and that’s why he’s pushing you away. Maybe you guys need to communicate more and make some changes. If he’s receptive to this, that’s a great sign – and that means you both need to work on your relationship, not just got back to what was happening before, because clearly something was off.

Your other option is to let this go. You should do this if he has no interest in working things out, or if you are feeling really unhappy with him. You might be scared to let him go, that’s normal – but you also might have to actually let him go. End things yourself if that feels right, or just wait for him to do it. Honestly, this is a really, really hard decision to come to, and something only you can figure out. I can’t tell you if you’re ready or not!

Also, to be honest, there might be nothing you can do to stop this! Your relationship might be over, and that’s it. He might have moved on, and he can’t be persuaded to come back. It sucks, and you’ll feel crappy for a while, but it will get better. Just don’t desperately hold onto something that is clearly over, okay? Be careful!

Good luck!

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com 


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Posted in: Dating, Relationships
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