I was just wondering if I could get a bit of advice? My ex-boyfriend and I recently split up, and when we did, he told me I have “mad loose flaps,” talking about my vagina. This has made me feel ridiculously insecure about how I look down there, and now I feel like no one is going to be interested in me because of that. Do you think it matters what someone’s vagina looks like? I’m just a young girl who is now so worried about what it looks like and I want to know if there is something I can do to make it look better? Can I change it? Please tell me.
Okay, so let me start this by saying that I’m really sorry your ex-boyfriend is such a jerk. People often say rude and nasty things during a breakup, but stooping so low to criticize such a private part of someone’s body is a really terrible move. He might have been saying it just to hurt you, or maybe he said it to get revenge, or maybe he just felt like being mean. Who knows? What’s important is that he’s out of your life!
And now, about your vagina. While I don’t blame you for feeling insecure – it’s a normal reaction to an insult like this one – I really don’t want you to go on feeling that way. I am sure that there is nothing wrong with the way your vagina looks. Everyone’s vagina is different: some girls have loose labia (AKA lips or “flaps”), some have uneven labia, some have very small and thin lips, others have puffier ones. There is no “right” way for your vagina to look. Like any other part of someone’s body, it is unique. Photos in magazines or images in porn or movies might make it seem like your vagina should look a certain way, but it’s just another example of unrealistic body expectations.
If you read that and thought, “great, cool, I still want to know if I can change the way it looks,” okay, I get it. The thing is, though, you can’t change how it looks unless you get plastic surgery. I’m down with plastic surgery and wouldn’t judge anyone for deciding to do it, so if you decide you want to get a labiaplasty (this is the name of the procedure that would alter the way your “flaps” look), I’ll support you. But that decision should be made after careful research and consideration as, like any surgery, it is a serious operation and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
To answer your last question: do I think it matters to others what your vagina looks like? I’ll be perfectly honest with you and say that, yes, I do think it matters to some people. Some people focus on things like that, just like some people won’t date someone who is shorter them and some people prefer big boobs over small ones. Like anything else, your vagina is a physical part of you, and unfortunately, there are people out there who do put a lot of importance on the way someone looks. But, of course, that does not apply to everyone. There are plenty of people out there who will look at your vagina and be totally fine with it, or more than that. So, try not to worry about what this dude said to you, and try not to focus on what your vagina looks like. It’s easier said than done, but I promise you – it is not as big of a deal as he made it seem.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org