There is a moment in one of my favorite shows, My Mad Fat Diary, that really drives home the problem that I think a lot of people experience when it comes to friendships in their teen and young adult years. The main character, Rae, is talking to her therapist about how she doesn’t get along with her ultra popular long-time BFF, Chloe. She sneers as she rants about her, mentioning that if she met Chloe now, there’s no way they would become friends.
Think about it: Does that describe someone you’re friends with currently?
People become friends for all kinds of reasons; maybe they happened to be sitting next to each other on the school bus, or their parents were friends so they grew up super close, or they were into the same boy band in second grade and were friends ever since. But people change, as do their interests, priorities, and what they’re looking for in a friend. When you’re a little kid, someone who likes the same cartoons as you can suffice. When you’re a teenager and older, watching the same show might not cut it.
I’m not advocating throwing away the friends you no longer have common interests with. It’s totally possible to maintain a friendship with someone who you’ve known for years with the full understanding that you two probably wouldn’t gravitate to each other in your current form; some of the best friendships are between people who are super different from each other. But what if you’re in a friendship that feels like its surviving out of habit as opposed to mutual investment in each other, you should probably check out these seven signs you guys shouldn’t be friends anymore. You can still care about each other deeply, but when a friendship is going nowhere, it doesn’t hurt to acknowledge it.
You Talk More About Old Times Than NewIf you're doing this, your friendship just isn't the same as it used to be. Reminiscing on old times is what happens when people in college reunite with high school friends they haven't seen in years. They have nothing new or relevant to talk about, so they just talk about a time when they were actually--you know--friends. When every conversation feels like time travel, your friendship is just coasting on memories. My So-Called Life
You Feel Like You're Friends Out Of HabitThis is a big one. The friendship between you two is mostly based on going through the motions. You've been friends for so long that you don't know what it's like not to be friends with them. In fact, you're low key scared of what life would be like without them as your official BFF. But be real: Is this the kind of attitude that someone actually has towards a friend? No. Freaks and Geeks
You Spend More Time Feeling Guilty About Not Feeling Closer Than Actually Being CloseYou wish you spend more time with your friend. You wish you hung out with them more, too. Hell, everytime you're around each other you two promise that you'll hang out soon, but it never happens. Honestly, you're not too sad about not hanging out. What you're sad about is the fact that you don't feel guilty for not wanting to hang out with this long time friend of yours. Big red flag. Fresh Meat
You're More Comfortable In A Group Than One-On-OneYou two used to be inseparable, you two against the world. Now? The idea of hanging out one-on-one either stresses you out or doesn't sound all that fun. You feel more comfortable in a group with a bit of a buffer. My Mad Fat Diary
Your Ideas Of Fun Are Never The Same AnymoreLike I said earlier, it's not that rare to have friends who have very different interests, but there's usually some commonality here or there. With you two, there's no way you guys can have fun doing the same things together, as a group or one-on-one. It's just impossible. Your interests have completely diverted and it doesn't seem like they're going to reconcile anytime soon. Clueless
You're Hanging Out With New CrowdsMaybe you didn't even realize it happening, but now that you think about it, you two just aren't crossing each others paths when you're hanging out in groups. In fact, the group you're usually hanging with is different from the group they're usually hanging with, and they rarely--if ever--cross paths. The Craft
You Care About Them, But Not About Their LifeThere are people you'll always have room in your heart for, people you'll always love. Long-time friends fit the bill, but you're at a point in your relationship where you aren't really checking up on them too much...and you're not really invested in what's going on with their everyday life. You care about them, but you don't really care about their life at the moment beyond vague small talk. Compare that attitude to the friends you're constantly texting these days. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Do you have a friend whom you know you’re only still friends with out of habit? Tell us in the comments!