The concept of having a best friend eludes me.
If I’m being generous, I don’t know if I’ve had a true blue best friend since seventh grade. If I’m being more honest, I haven’t had a best friend since second grade. To some, this must sound like something is wrong. But–and not to toot my own horn or anything–I’m actually not socially awkward or inept whatsoever. In fact, I have a lot of friends, including incredibly close ones that I can tell just about everything to. They feel like best friends, but the only problem is that I’m sure if they were asked who their best friend is, it wouldn’t be me.
Generally, this doesn’t bother me. I’m glad I have friends who I can depend on no matter what, friends who tell me that they love me before we part, friends who I can confide in my deepest secrets to. But there’s something about having a best friend–a singular human to share a mutual platonic relationship with that eclipses all others–that will always be appealing. I’m not going to lie, I feel a bit of an ache whenever I hear people casually mention their BFF in passing. It’s something that so many people seem to have, so why is it so hard for me? Is it just bad luck or is it some personality flaw I just don’t know about.
All in all, not having a best friend can, frankly, suck. Like, a lot. And I know I’m not alone in feeling some kind of way about being BFF-less. But if you’re going to dwell on all of this, you might as well be productive about it. Check out these eight cold hard truths about not having a best friend that you need to come to terms with.
You Might Never Have A BFFIf you think you'll just miraculously fall into a BFF friendship with someone...don't hold your breath. I'm not saying that to be harsh, I'm saying that because statistically it becomes harder to make friends (and maintain existing friendships) as you get older. That's probably why the importance of having a BFF is something that one might associate more with childhood than adulthood. If it happens, that's awesome. I mean, I for one will be jealous of you. But it might never happen, and that's a reality you're going to have to come to terms with.
Your Bae Is Not Your BFFI mean, if you guys were sincerely best friends before you started dating, that's one thing. But acting as if your SO provides the same support and needs as a BFF is...desperate. Plus, it's also pretty unhealthy for your romance because...
Using Your SO As Your BFF Can Make Your Relationship SufferIf you use your BF/GF/whoever as your reciprical for all of your baggage--things that you would probably tell a platonic friend before your partner--then you're kind of sort of putting a lot of unwanted pressure and baggage on someone who isn't necessarily equipped for that kind of emotional toll. Not only that, it's fine if you rely on your bae to do things with you, but everything? Um, give your partner some space.
You're Always Going To Be Jealous Of Other People's FriendshipsNo matter how old you are or how many great friendships you have, you're always going to hold a tiny bit of resentment for people who were lucky enough to find their BFF and maintain that relationship with them. This becomes even harder when this person is one of your closest friends, one that you would be honored if they considered you their BFF, because you low key would be willing to consider them your BFF. Sigh. Just don't be passive aggressive about it. It's not about you, honestly.
Make Sure You're Not Valuing Quantity Over QualityWhen you don't have a BFF, you tend to make yourself feel better by reminding yourself that it's okay, because you have loads of close friends. But think about it: Are those oodles and oodles of friends people who you would actually confide in? Do you want to hang out with them one-on-one? Would that be comfortable? Make sure you're not using quantity as a crutch over good friendships in fewer numbers.
Celebretory Things Are Always HarderI'm not going to lie, I don't even care about getting married right now, but I can't help but think about how easy it is for people who have best friends to decide who their maid of honor will be. Not only that, it's so common for a BFF to plan a birthday party, or to be the first person you think of for a fun trip. Hell, if you're going to a concert, wouldn't your BFF be the first person you think of asking? When you don't have a BFF, these things--big and small--become such an ordeal.
Having No BFF Is Actually Pretty CommonYou might think that everyone but you has managed to find their BFF, but trust, you're not alone. According to a survey in the UK, it's actually really common not to have a best friend. Instead of worrying about not having a BFF, worry if you don't have any close friends whatsoever. That might be a sign of anxiety or mistrust on your part and could lead to depression down the road.
Maybe It IS YouIf you're someone who just flat out doesn't have any close friends, let alone a BFF, then I'm sorry to break it to you, but maybe you should reflect on your relationships with others and how you come across. Yes, some people have a hard time making friends. Maybe they're shy, maybe they don't have a lot in common with the people they're around, etc. But let's be real: shy people make friends all the time. Frankly, some people don't have friends because they're just not pleasant to be around. Hopefully that doesn't describe you, but if you're suspicious, maybe it's time to get real with yourself.
How do you feel about not having a best friend? Did you used to have one? Do you think it’s better to have one best friend or a bunch of close friends? Tell us in the comments!