The other day, I overheard my boyfriend tell his friend about how many women were out where we were the other night, and that he wished he could’ve got in with them. There was one in particular who had been ‘grinding’ around the dance floor and he had “pictured her on his d**k.” I have no issue with a guy noticing another girl. That’s pretty normal. I can also understand them maybe visualizing something. But is this type of chat normal or the sign of someone I shouldn’t trust?
It’s never fun to see or hear your significant other checking out someone else, but what your boyfriend did is over the line as far as I’m concerned.
The first thing you need to do is let him know that it bothered you, and more importantly, why it bothered you. While it is completely obvious to most people exactly what about the statement make you feel uncomfortable, did you consider that it might have also been how he objectified this other woman? His statement was pretty crude, and hearing your boyfriend talk in that manner might make you judge him a bit differently.
But again, being up front and forward with your thoughts and concerns is paramount. He needs to know that while he may have just been joking with a friend, it hurt you. I totally understand that we all have “wandering eyes” from time to time, but for him to outright say something like that is just plain wrong and extremely disrespectful at the same time.
What you need to do is weigh his history and decide how big a deal you want to make of the situation. If he’s been an A+ guy for the most part, then I think just letting him know how much it hurt you will be enough. He’ll learn and it won’t happen again.
However, if you haven’t been together long or he’s shown other shady behavior, this may be the red flag to cut him loose. You deserve respect and a guy who wants to be with you above all else, and if you don’t think he’s THE guy, this is certainly reason enough to move on.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org!
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