Today, while innocently scrolling through Pinterest trying to get my work done, I stumbled upon an entire culture I never knew existed – a group of females who share some pretty basic beauty, hygiene, and fitness hacks dubbed “hoe tips.” They are on Tumblr, Twitter, and even have a trending section on Pinterest! “Hoe tips” are a collection of crazy looking images with tips on how to be… a female? I think?
I obviously immediately Googled “what are hoe tips?” since I can’t just ignore a section of the Internet that is giving advice on both how to do your eyebrows AND how to keep your vagina smelling nice, but I didn’t find any real description of this tiny little cult. From what I can see online, though, I’ve decided the basic definition would be this: “hoe tips” are hacks/tricks/advice for girls who aren’t ashamed of wanting to look and feel good about themselves. They are tips for girls who like to do their makeup, try to stay healthy, and maybe hook up with some cute people whenever they feel like it. So, like, literally any girl on the planet, in a way.
I don’t know how basic beauty and health hacks started to be called “hoe tips,” but I think it’s just girls taking back the often derogatory term “hoe” and making it theirs again, which is pretty cool. Now, of course, many of these “hoe tips” are not perfect. A lot of them offer bad advice, like this one about massaging your breasts with olive oil to make them less saggy (this will not work), and this one about a horrible sounding drink that will maybe make your problems go away (it will not). Some are downright terrible, in fact, and promote unrealistic body standards. BUT, actually, a lot of them are kind of helpful, as well as being amusing, which is kind of fun. So, I’ve obviously decided to round up the best ones. Here are some “hoe tips” from Pinterest that are actually important to know:
1. These actual legit tips on how to shave down there so that your vag doesn’t break out:
These tips are good – exfoliating is so important – but my only note is that I wouldn’t use Dove deodorant, or any deodorant on your vagina.
2. This foolproof tip for getting rid of stubborn period blood stains.
3. This very real advice on how to get over an ex.
I don’t know what the photos on the bottom are, but I mean, yeah, this is pretty good advice to keep in mind when you’re going through a breakup.
4. This tip on how to have super soft skin:
Conditioner is an excellent substitute for shaving cream – I’ve done this and I really like the results. Coconut oil isn’t a bad tip either, as it’s super moisturizing, but honestly? It’s also a big mess, so proceed with caution.
5. How to be… a baddie?
I am not a cool young teen, so I don’t quite understand the appeal of being a “baddie,” aside from what I hear in Drake songs, but I mean, sure. These tips are just good in general. Also, this graphic makes me want to die a little bit.
6. These tips on what’s worth the extra money:
I mean, you do NOT need any of this stuff, but if you want it, then this is good advice.
7. These ideas on what to keep with you at school:
I have no idea why a school bag checklist is under a tab called “hoe tips,” but here we are. Anyway, these actually are good to keep around.
8. These ideas for the perfect nighttime routine:
Most of these tips are good – washing your face is important, castor oil will make your lashes incredibly soft (although it will not help them grow), a heavy moisturizer is great for your feet AND your face, and prepping outfits at night will make your morning less hectic. But drinking a full glass of water before bed? That sounds like a recipe for waking up five times in the middle of the night. And you don’t need to do a light workout before bed… it’s not any better than a workout at any other time.
9. These tips on how to clean your bedroom:
I don’t know what makes any of these “hoe tips,” but they are still good ideas, so whatever.
10. These ideas for a perfect at home spa day:
If you want to pamper yourself for a day, then these are all good tips.
11. These… sex songs?
I have no idea what the purpose of this is, but I couldn’t just IGNORE it, you know?
12. These basic tips for taking care of your skin:
There are, like, a lot of other things you can do to have good skin, but this is a pretty basic list that is easy to follow.
13. These tips on how to make mornings better:
14. These tips for a happy vagina:
There are a lot of terrible tips out there for taking care of your vagina, so I was thrilled to find a list that was actually legit. There’s no scientific evidence that cranberry juice prevents UTIs, but it can help keep your vag healthy and it won’t hurt!
15. These tips for getting through your period gracefully:
These are actually really good tips also. I don’t really know what the water one is supposed to mean and it sounds shady, but whatever – drinking water is always good for you.
16. Remember all of these things about your vagina:
Okay, yes, these are all good, please remember them.
17. Here are some cheap products to buy when you don’t have a lot of money to spend:
18. These tips on how to get things done:
If you needed some tips that will make you feel productive, here they are. I like the last one the best.
19. Remember these things about your skin:
Terrible font and Photoshop action aside, these are really good skincare tips.
I mean, do with this what you will.