Ask A Guy: Why Your Crush Won’t Talk To You At School

Hey Joel,
There’s this guy on my swim team. I’ve known him for a little over a year and we’re definitely good friends. We’ve often spent entire days at meets talking and joking about anything and everything. However, I have him on Snapchat and he often takes hours to respond when we’re having a conversation, sometimes even a whole day. I get he might not be into social media, but you’d think he’d express more interest in talking to me over text because he sure likes talking to me in person. He’s in the year above me at school (I’m a sophomore) and when I see him in the halls I say hi and give him a bright smile but often he’s awkward and a little distant with responding, like not making eye contact.

He’s jokey and sweet and I think he likes me, but I can’t tell why he’s not making a move, or at least flirting with me a little more openly! It might be because his family’s usually around but he’s texted me about plans before and I’ve expressed interest but he’s never brought it up again. I’m confused about this situation and want to know why he’s not trying to make a move!


It seems like there are a number of different issues keeping this guy from taking the next step with you, but the encouraging thing is that you two clearly have a solid connection and a lot in common. All great relationships are built on communication, and it seems like that is where you’re struggling at the moment.

Let’s get the social media thing out of the way: if people are slow to respond or don’t respond at all via social media, just don’t read into it. There are countless reasons why it’s unimportant. If you guys talk in person and it goes well, that matters so much more. Real interactions are what relationships are about, so just let this aspect go.


That being said, the fact that he is awkward, distant and more when you see him in the hallways is a bit concerning. He might be one of those guys that tries to be “too cool” in front of his friends, and might not want to admit he’s really into you. If that ends up being the case, there’s really not much you can do. You may want to straight-up ask him if he’s embarrassing being seen with you when he’s around his friends. Hopefully, the answer is no.

The core of your question seems to be around why he’s not making a first move, and my question is why you’re waiting for him to make that move. It’s obvious you two click, and he might just be a bit timid when it comes to taking the next step. If you really want to see where things go, there’s no reason you can’t ask him out on a date.


There are many reasons why this guy might be less communicative outside of swim meets, but the solution to all of them is the same: you need to go after him. Next time you two are spending time together, ask him to go to coffee or somewhere other than a swim meet – somewhere you two can spend quality time together. Set a date and time, and whether he shows up or says no, you’ll have all the answers you need.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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