I’m 16-years-old and I’m a size 12. My mum keeps calling me fat, all the time, more than once a day, and it’s really getting me down – she is also quite big herself. She’s been doing it for quite some time now, and doesn’t seem to understand it actually upsets me. I don’t have a thigh gap and it stresses me out. Does not having a thigh gap mean I am technically fat? And what should I say to my mom?
Okay, so let me just say this: what your mom is doing sucks. She shouldn’t be calling you fat and making you feel badly about yourself ever, let alone on a daily basis. There is nothing okay about what she’s saying and how she is making you feel. If she weighs more than you and has for a while, she is most likely taking her own insecurities out on you. She is probably unhappy with herself, and she also doesn’t want you to end up like her – so she’s reacting to those feelings by putting you down. She isn’t doing the right thing and you have to say something.
I don’t know if you’ve tried to talk to her before, but you should do it regardless. Your mom hopefully has your best interests at heart, and maybe if she knows how much this is hurting you, she’ll make an effort to stop. If you feel weird confronting her, or if you’ve done it before and it didn’t work, then try writing her a letter. Sometimes writing things down is an easier way for you to say what’s truly on your mind, and it makes it harder for your mom to cut you off or ignore you. Be honest about how this makes you feel and tell her you really want her to stop. Maybe if she reads it (or hears it), it will start to sink in.
If that doesn’t work, consider talking to someone who will maybe talk to her. Your dad might be a good option, but if that’s not possible, maybe a sibling or a close relative. Sometimes people need to hear this kind of thing from an outsider to really understand what they’re doing.
The mom stuff aside, let me assure you that not having a thigh gap does not mean you are fat. A thigh gap is not an indication of whether or not someone is fat or healthy. A thigh gap actually doesn’t even really have anything to do with fat on your body – it’s about bone structure. Girls who have thigh gaps are girls who have wide hips – their hip bones are further apart, leading to their thighs being naturally further apart as well. All of those things you read about how to get a thigh gap? Most of them are BS.
Sure, there are plenty of people who have thigh gaps and are on the slimmer side – obviously having thinner thighs is going to create more of a thigh gap. Yes, there are people with wide hips who weigh more, so they still don’t have thigh gaps. And sure, if someone with narrow hips lost a LOT of weight, she might be able to achieve the look. But at the end of the day, a thigh gap has to do with your bone structure more than anything else. Striving to get one is not healthy and, most of the time, it’s not realistic.
There are a lot of girls out there who would not be considered “fat” by societal standards who do not have thigh gaps. Please don’t let something like this get to you. And please do not listen to what your mom says. When it comes to your weight, whatever makes you comfortable and happy is the most important number. Just because your mom is insecure doesn’t mean you have to be. Talk to her immediately, and stop listening to what she says. Good luck!
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