7 Ways To Have Sex If You’re Afraid Of Intercourse

Let’s just cut to the chase: I had penis in vagina sex for the first time a little later in life than the average straight cis-gender woman does, and it was…a lot. I knew it would be painful and wouldn’t be all that pleasurable, but wow. Nothing could have prepared me for how not-so-great it felt. Yes, lube exists, and maybe there should have been more foreplay, but at the end of the day, my vagina just wasn’t having it. Part of me suspects I might have vaginismus, a condition where the vagina becomes next to impossible to penetrate often due to one’s psychological hang ups. But maybe it was just an awkward first time at it and I need to give it another go. But I’ve been so terrified of doing it again that my partner and I have had to find other ways to be intimate and still have a sex life without actually having sexual intercourse.

Basically, sex without sex.

You might have very narrow parameters for what you consider sex–maybe oral sex isn’t sex in your humble opinion, maybe you think sex must require penetration–but for the intents and purposes of this post, we’re going to expand those barriers. Besides, not every sex act involves a penis and a vagina, guys, don’t be outdated! At the end of the day, sex is ultimately about finding, seeking, and achieving intense intimacy with someone. So if you have a vagina and you’re either uncomfortable with penetration, you’re afraid of penetrative sex, or you just want some other ways to feel sexual without penetration, check out these seven ways to have sex without having intercourse.


When In Doubt, Hump It Out

Confession: The word humping makes me want to die, but...that doesn't mean it's not a great way to get hot and heavy with your partner. Whether you're doing it through the clothes or without (be careful with this one), you'd be a fool to act as if you can't get horned up real quick with some basic rubbing.

Skins

Kiss. A Lot.

This might sound ridiculous, but once you've been dating someone for a while and got over all those first kiss butterflies, it's easy to forget how good and how, er, titilating a run of the mill make out session can be. Seriously, cozy up with bae and have at it and don't stop until you feel tingly, like, EVERYWHERE. Better yet, kiss with as few clothes on as possible and let your hands wander. Who doesn't like that? The answer is literally nobody with an ounce of sexual urge in their body.

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Get That Clitoral Action

Um, you don't have to have something up your vagina to get off, period. In fact, the clitoris is the main point of focus when it comes to your orgasms and overall sexual pleasure. So please, you might not be having penetrative sex, but you shouldn't neglect it.

My Mad Fat Diary

Incorporate Toys

You can spice things up with using vibrators, dildos, or other sex toys that you and your partner feel comfortable with. It can feel a little goofy at first, but that's kind of part of what's great about it? That takes the edge off so you can be silly and get sexual at the same time.

The Slums Of Beverly Hills

Stick To Oral

I don't care if you think oral sex is sex or not: It's a sex act, period, one that happens to be incredibly intimate. Whether you're performing or vice versa, don't take it for granted. If you're performing oral on your partner, maybe try a new technique so things don't feel too monotonous. If your partner is performing oral on you, maybe sure you're vocal about what works and what doesn't.

Jawbreaker

Get Naked And Chill

Yo, seriously. You don't understand how nice it can be just to cuddle up with your partner naked and...chill. Mabye you can explore a bit too and overall just mess around, but still...it's really fun, really sexy, and really comforting.

Just Another Girl On The IRT

Get Your Lube On

Lube is great to incorporate into your sex life whether you're having penetrative sex or not. Lube can stimulate you and your partner's privates and can just be nice to mess around with when you two have some time alone.

Sarah Wintner Illustration

Do you think you can have a good sex life without intercourse? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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