I am 17 years old, and I have never masturbated. Well, I have tried to, but it never really works for me. I’ve looked up tips, but I don’t really know how to turn myself on. Like if I am reading an erotic scene from a book, I feel something down there, but I don’t know how to keep that feeling going long enough. Please help. I feel like a weirdo.
This is a totally valid question – you don’t need to feel like a weirdo! Feeling turned on enough to masturbate can be hard for a lot of girls. Not only can it take a while to figure out what gets you going, but masturbating is almost impossible if you aren’t wet enough down there. Sometimes, it can be tough to get yourself wet enough and to then stay wet enough, especially if you aren’t exactly sure what you’re doing. Luckily, there are lots of things you can do to fix this problem.
It sounds like you already have an idea of something that turns you on – reading erotic books. So, go with that! Read whatever it is that makes you feel *things* while you’re laying in bed. Set the mood by making sure you have privacy (door locked!), maybe putting on some sexy underwear (it can make you feel more sensual), and keeping some accessories on hand (more on that in a minute). Read the scene more than once if needed. Or, beforehand, bookmark the things that work for you, and just read them all. As you read, touch yourself and explore down there. When something feels good, keep doing it while you keep reading. If you don’t touch yourself while reading, it’s easy for that feeling to go away. But when you’re stimulating yourself, you’re helping it last longer.
There’s more you can do aside from reading – I only suggested that because you mentioned it. You might want to try watching porn, which some girls swear by. Maybe all you need is to watch a sexy scene from a movie. Or maybe you want to read the book, and then think of your own fantasies. Just do what makes you feel a spark!
Now, let’s get to those accessories I mentioned. To help yourself out, you should always have lube on hand. Lube on its own can immediately make things feel better down there. It will definitely help you out if you’re having issues. You might also want to consider trying a sex toy, like a dildo or vibrator, both of which can help bring things to the next level. Aside from all of that, making sure you feel comfortable is also important. You can’t feel turned on if you’re laying there worrying about someone walking in on you. Do it in your bed if you want, or try the shower. Whatever feels best for you.
Also, don’t think about it too much. If you obsess over it, you’re going to stress yourself out, which can just make things harder. Try to relax and help get yourself in the mood, then use the things that work for you. Explore your sexuality and try new things until you figure out what feels best. It might take some time, but you’ll get there!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org