My boyfriend and I have been together almost three and a half years now. We have a GREAT sex, but one thing has been driving me crazy. He NEVER goes down on me unless I ask. Like, I’ve even gone a week without asking for oral and he won’t ever go down there and do it. Yet I go down on him without being asked often. I’ve confronted him about it and I’ve told him if he doesn’t like doing it, tell me because it won’t hurt my feelings. It hurts my feelings more when he just doesn’t do it and then I have to ask, because it just seems like he’s not into it at all. But he claims he likes it and enjoys doing it. He says he would tell me if he didn’t like it. I don’t get it!
We all love being on the receiving end of oral sex, and those of us who are thoughtful and enjoy the pleasure we give our partners also enjoy giving. However, there are many reasons why your boyfriend isn’t taking a more proactive approach, and you may have to have some awkward conversations to get to the truth.
First off, the fact that you’ve been together as long as you have is a very good thing. There is clearly a lot of trust and love in the relationship, so it’s definitely a safe space to have these conversations. It’s going to be difficult to find a “good” time to talk about the topic, but I would suggest you bring it up when you’re both free time-wise, are NOT getting intimate, and are both sober.
Chances are, whatever is preventing him from taking the initiative is in his head, so it’s a matter of deductive reasoning to get to the truth. Maybe he doesn’t think he’s very good at it, in which case, feel free to give him directions as to exactly what you like. I for one LOVE when my partner tells me what’s hitting the spot! Remember, communication is key.
If that’s not the issue, he may honestly not enjoy it, but that to me isn’t acceptable in a long term relationship. While I totally get someone not wanting to do something they don’t like, there needs to be equal footing and equal pleasure. Your current frustration is the ideal example of what happens when the balance is way off. If this is his ultimate reasoning, then there needs to be a discussion on that topic, and he’s going to need to get over himself.
Finally, there is a small chance that there is, how to put this, a smell or taste that at the moment makes it a less than desirable to be down there. I’ve experienced this first-hand in a relationship, and after I mentioned it, she went to her doctor and found out she had a very minor infection. This is super unlikely, but possible. This, to me, is the last resort.
Honestly, whatever his reasoning might be, this is an issue that needs to be addressed ASAP. Your frustration will continue to grow and likely damage your relationship because he’s not fulfilling all of your needs. Maybe ask him how he’d feel if you only gave him head if he asked, and perhaps that will wake him up and get him down there!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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