What It Means If Your Boyfriend Is Watching Weird Porn

Hey Heather,

I have a question and I know that it probably sounds dumb. I recently went on my boyfriend’s computer and looked at his browsing history and saw sooo much porn. I was like, wow I had no idea he has all this time to watch this much porn? But it was like… weird. It was porn videos of moms and step kids having sex. What does this mean? We have “normal” sex and he seems average, but I don’t get it. Is there something secret going on that I don’t know about? I feel like I don’t know him like I thought I did.

Surprised

I totally understand where your stress is coming from, but I sincerely don’t think you need to freak out about this. Here’s a pretty universal truth about porn: it’s weird AF. Most of it is cheesy, corny, and downright uncomfortable (when you’re not feeling horny). If you’re not looking at what some would call “vanilla” porn of a heterosexual couple having regular ole’ sex, then chances are good that you’re looking at something totally out there featuring some sort of fetish.

This is actually one of the reasons porn is so popular. It allows people to experience the fetishes they are too embarrassed to admit they have in secret. They can explore the unconventional things that turn them on without admitting them to anyone. They’re able to see different things without actually going through with them. Even though it’s a video of real people having real sex, porn is a fantasy, and that’s exactly why people love it.

Your boyfriend might watch some porn videos that you think are quite strange, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he would ever go for these things in real life. So, yes, your boyfriend might get off watching a porno featuring a mother and her step son. Does that mean he would have sex with his own step mother? Most likely not. He could have found the woman attractive, or he could be into the idea of an older woman/younger man type of troupe. It doesn’t have to mean that he loves incest or anything like that. You don’t know why he looked up this type of porn, so jumping to conclusions about it isn’t the best idea.

At the same time, it’s important to note that you don’t know how much of it he watched. A lot of the time when someone is looking for porn, they will scroll through lots of videos before finding the one they’re interested in. They’ll open up videos, watch 30 seconds of it, or flip through it, decide “eh, not for me,” and move on to the next one. Just a glance at his browser history doesn’t tell you what videos he rejected and which ones he liked.

If your boyfriend seems happy with the sex life you two have, then you probably don’t have anything to worry about. Watching porn is a pretty normal activity, even if the porn seems out there. Now, if he were watching very violent porn, or something very illegal and horrible all the time, and he seemed off in some way… I would say you might have something to worry about. But as long as he’s not pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do, or cheating on you, or acting strange in any other way, he’s probably just exploring some taboo fantasies online in what is, in the grand scheme of things, a pretty healthy way to do so.

If it’s really, really bothering you, you can say something – but be prepared for the possibility of him being angry and/or hurt that you snooped through his browser history. At the end of the day, I would make a note that looking at this kind of thing is never a good idea. Your boyfriend has a right to his privacy, and he might feel embarrassed if he knew you were going through his stuff. If you feel like you can’t trust him, you need to communicate that instead of sneaking around trying to find something.

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com 

 

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